Dear Tigger-
 
Sorry to hear about the problems you're having with your slave!  Perhaps
you should try putting a little dab of 8-In-1 Prozac paste on her belly
for a few days and let her lick that off.  (What better time to do her
nails!)  Sometimes our Hooman needs a little chocolate to bring her around
when she's really down in the dumps.  For a special treat, let her dig in
a plant, she may be longing for spring.  Potted miniature roses are always
nice.  Oh, yes, don't forget to watch her poops for a few days!  She may
have eaten something awful, like a 1040 Tax Form.  Keep her AWAY from the
Registry of Motor Vehicles for a while.  If her Mate is giving her a hard
time, scruff him and say "No Nagging!"  Then send him outside to work on
his truck for a time-out.
 
Sincerely,
Switch the Kit & Sabrina the Bat-Biter
In Massachusetts
[Posted in FML issue 3703]