Just a few things between the feral posts.
I had eight people ask about the MF ferret I found, decribed in the response
to Jim Young post. I did the post (he he, pun! Sorry, bad taste) on the
animal, and the clear cause of death was starvation. The animal was
sufferring from ketone acidosis, had >1% body fat, and was generally in a
very wasted condition. It was about 3 miles from the next local town and
found along a two-lane connector road. The ferret was newly dead, and was
just starting to go into rigor mortis, indicating the death took place just
a few hours (or minutes) before. Inside the stomach and proximal duodeum
was grass and what looked like corn fed to chickens. The rest of the
intestines were empty, except for dark mucous (and the parasites).
Externally, there were several bites in the process of healing, but rabies
came back negative. Based on the level of parasite infestation, and the
ages of the parasites, we guessed the ferret had been in the wild about 8 to
12 days. The healing bites looked about a week old, but in a starving
animal, they could have been older. I personally think the ferret was an
escaped pet rather than a discarded one because 3 miles isn't a long
distance to travel within a week, and because the nails were clipped, not
something I would expect someone would do prior to dumping a pet. As a MF
ferret, it's anal glands had been removed, so it couldn't lay a trail of
ferret smell, which is consistent with the lost hypothesis. One thing is
for sure; the animal was not feral, nor did it have a chance to become
feral. As Darwin would say, nature was against it.
To Maggie: You got the binomial wrong; I'm sure Linnaeus would agree that
the proper taxonomic nomenclature would be "_Bobus paininanus_." I think I'm
related to deer (C. virginianus) but don't know many people named Virginia.
To Monica: I've lost your phone number. Well, I didn't, someone else did.
Long story. Can you e-mail me?
About vets in the St. Louis area. Call the Howdershell Animal Clinic in
Florissant MO. They have a great one. They are in the phonebook.
To Rudy: My posts to you are bouncing and I assume I've goofed up the
address. Can you e-mail me so I can send the thing we talked about?
To Georgia: Rumor has it you are sending pictures of me to certain FML
people. Are you skipping me on purpose? Well, I'll be in your neighborhood
in a couple of months, so hold on to that case of weasel beer for me. We
can drink it and then I'll take your picture with your weasel (not that
great cook that hangs around your boat; I mean your ferret).
To the CaCa Fish and Gestapo agent that recently e-mailed me with
threatening remarks: First, I don't believe you are who you say you are
because you posted to me anomyously; I'm Bob Church and I live in Columbia,
MO. Second, I don't believe you are who you say you are because the post
wasn't written in crayon and contained two-syllable words, obviously more
advanced than the educational level of the typical Gestapo agent. Third,
bite me. If you think I'm wrong about something I've posted on the FML,
then say so; I admit my mistakes. I challenge you or *any* Ca Ca Fish and
Gestapo agent to a public debate on the ferret issue. Just remember to
bring your dictionary and bandaids. Maybe you should think about hiring an
interpreter; you know, someone who can speak science? I'll chew you up and
spit you down the toliet. Come on, wuussssy! Afraid?
Oh yeah, I admit I've illegally taken ferrets into and out of California,
and <gasp> I will do it again! Take me to court! I promise to come out if
you want to arrest me! I would suggest you all need an enema, but they
can't get the tube through your ears! That is assuming you even have a
brain, and you know what they say about people who assume. ( It makes an
ASSume out of assUme and assuME) As best said in Monty Python's Holy Grail,
"I phart in your general direction!"
To the FML: The above two paragraphs are in response to a series of private
(and anonymous) e-mails I've been getting from a "J. Young" who claims to
be a Gestapo agent and is upset because I make such nasty fun of them. The
last post (today) accused me of criminal conspiracy and blantantly
threatened me with arrest! I don't know if the person is real or not, if
they are really in CaCa land, or even if it isn't someone just trying to bug
me. If J. Young is real, then Gestapo agents read the FML, and Ca Ca land
readers should be wary of posting clues that can give them away.
Personally, I think the posts are of a protective nature and are probably
posted by one of their kids; the tone of the writing seems to be high
schoolish. But anything is possible; even the Fish and Gestapo could have
recieved a high school education, so beware.
F&G Jokes of the Day:
Q: How many Fish and Gestapo agents are needed to change a light bulb?
A: None; they prefer to live in the dark.
Q: If a genius F&Gestapo agent, the bunny rabbit, and a martian all fell
from the top of the Empire State Building, which would hit the ground first?
A: None; all are mythical creatures.
Q: How long did it take the F&Gestapo to breakup the bear poaching ring what
was killing bears for their gallbladders and feet, and selling them for
thousands of dollars in Asia?
A: Who has time for that when ferrets are in the state?
Mo' Bob and the 18 General Pharters (Missing Gus)
[Posted in FML issue 1756]
|
