Dear Ferret Folks-
 
The husband and I just got back from a week in Colorado.  The skiing was
beautiful.  We missed our dog, Allis Chompers.  We missed our fuzzbutts,
Switch and Sabrina.  We didn't really miss the fish very much, but I
mention them in passing so as not to offend them.  (I don't really trust
fish, they stare too much and they outnumber us.)
 
We enjoyed out reunion with our pet-friends.  We unpacked.  And I read 9
days of FML digests.  It took one hour and forty minutes.  Most of it was
icky.  People were mad at each other.  People were mean to each other.
People debated the reasons why they should be mad and mean.  Enough of
that.  We've proven that we're quite the little debating club, so, lets
tackle a new subject entirely.  And now for something COMPLETELY
different...
 
What to do with all the Ferret Poop.  Yes, poop.  While we were away I
heard a news blurb saying that the President proposed burying something
like 750,000 tons of radiocative waste out in the Nevada desert.  The
President has his burdens, I have mine.  While not actually radioactive,
ferret poop is unquestionably one of the most noxious substances known to
mankind, and is the source of a chronic waste disposal crisis in my home.
Sticky and malodorous when fresh, it becomes even more obnoxious when
dry.  How?  By becoming completely impervious to all known liquid cleaning
solutions, and by becoming harder than any modern ceramic compound,
including the tiles glued to the underbelly of the space shuttle.  Those
are designed to withstand the terrible heat of atmospheric re-entry, but
I tell you they don't have NOTHIN' on dried ferret poop.  (Those tiles
are manufactured near me in the white-hot furnaces of the Norton Company,
in Worcester, Mass.  They are the source of considerable local pride.)
 
There simply isn't enough Nevada to go around, not to store all the
nuclear waste AND all the poop we ferret lovers must dispose of.  So
that's out of the question.  Besides, the Nevadans' might object.  to the
poop, I mean.
 
So what should we do with it all, as a society?  We do bear considerable
responsibility here, Many of us have multi-weasel households!  Should it
be reserved for the afterlife of corrupt Enron executives?  Set aside for
various televangelists?  Donated anonymously to the hated Political Action
Commitee of your choice?  Sent ahead to terraform Mars?  (Surely if we
sprinkled ENOUGH of it on the Martian Ice Caps, being dark in color, it
would absorb heat and melt the ice AND serve as excellent fertilizer...
not that I would EAT anything grown in it even if I were marooned on Mars
and starving to death on the bleak red sands of that cold planet...I'd
stuff myself at the all-you-can-eat Donner Party Buffet, first.)
 
What to do with it all?
 
Sincerely,
Alexandra in Massachusetts,
Needing Less Controversy with which to Occupy my Tiny Widdle Mind.
[Posted in FML issue 3697]