Hey everyone!  I have learned another new trick!
 
Last night I just didn't want to go into my cage -- I jumped out two times
while my person was trying to lock me in for the night.  She finally trapped
me in the cage and put on all the locks .... but I managed to fool her
anyway.
 
After she went to bed I made a bunch of noise - rattling the bars of my
cage - tossing my food dish around and just making noise.  This bothered
the person .... but she didn't come and yell at me.
 
I figured out how to get out of my cage ... even with all the locks!  I
won't tell how ...'cause my person reads FLM too and I don't want her to
know.
 
I had a fab time running around the apartment all night long.  First I
knocked over the wastebasket in the bathroom and then I jumped into the
trash in the kitchen.  There were many orange and grapefruit rinds in the
trash.  They smell very nice, so I took them and hid them under the sofa.
There was also a large amount of wilted lettuce in the trash.  I ate some of
the lettuce and then stashed the rest under the cushions in the sofa.... I
also put some under the rug in the dining room.  You never know when you are
carpet tunneling and may want to stop for a snack!!!  I didn't find anything
to smash this time ... and that made me sad.  I hoped to find some glasses
to knock off a table ..or something like that..  but the person is getting
tricky ...she had put everything away.  I also stole the persons toy car
...she keeps it up real high..  on top of the speakers ...but I climbed up
anyway and stole it.  I pushed it all around the apartment and pulled its
rubber tires off.  I left the tires out on the middle of the floor.
(Otherwise the person would have assumed I ate them and would have forced me
to take laxatives.) I hid the car though and I'm not telling where I put it.
Its a red Volkswagen bug - about 6 inches long and 4 inches high.  The
person is offering a reward for its return.
 
Ahh ..  it was a fab night.  The person spoiled it all when she got up.  She
told me that I had been very bad... but that she was proud of the new skills
i was developing.  She kept asking me how I got out of the cage (it was
still locked!!!) but I refused to tell her.  I'll take my secret to the
grave.  Before she left for work she put me back in the cage - did up all 3
locks *AND* used garbage bag ties to secure the lid of the cage extra tight.
 
I need to nap now.  Typing is very difficult with paws and i want to be well
rested when I escape again tonight.
 
Yawn.
 
Love Epstein
****************************
Epstein Barr Ridge
Cyber Ferret
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[Posted in FML issue 2014]