I'm workin' at catching up with my mail, but I finishing a paper to present
at the archaeological meetings in Nashville in a couple of weeks, as well as
a poster session for the physical anthropological meetings, held at the same
time, but in St.  Louis.  Great for the vita, but very very bad on the
brain, not to mention the driving I will be doing.
 
Q: (Private Mail): I've noticed my ferret drags it's bottom after going to
   the bathroom. Do you think it has hemorrhoids?
 
A: I might be a bit anal about wise cracks, and I admit I sometimes push
   the joke envelope a bit to far, butt I have to pass this one.
 
It might have them, but thats probably not why the fert is dragging it's
butt after a poo.  Ferrets (AKA domesticated polecats) are quite territorial
and use their anal sac secretions to mark that territory.  In the wild,
polecats (and feral ferts) use their latrines to mark their territories;
think of it as an olfactory signpost.  Until ferrets learn how to read and
can leave signs, the skid mark is the best way to say, "This is mine, so all
you other polecats keep away!"
 
Ferrets can have hemorrhoids, prolapsed rectums, inflamed anal sacs, and
even other problems; if you suspect a problem, visit a vet and have them
take a look-see.  BTW, the removal of the anal sacs does not stop the
practice; it is in-stink-tive.  Ho!
 
Q: (FML): Civets are felines...
 
A: And the CaCa Fish and Gestapo are intelligent.
 
Actually, civets are from the family Viveridae, and resemble ferrets
(Mustelidae) far more than cats (Felidae).  They are related to mongeese.
 
Q: (Private Mail): I'm concerned about the safety of owning a ferret.  Has
   any of your ferrets ever hurt you?
 
A: Not as much as I've hurt them.
 
Honestly, I've had my blood spilled a few times.  When I adopted Crystal,
Sandy, and Fraggle, all were horrible biters.  Crystal bit my elbow while I
was driving back to Missouri, and I bled for nearly 20 miles.  In her
defence, she was extremely freaked from 24 hours of driving, she didn't know
me well, and she was already stressed enough to have lost much of her fur.
While Sam-Luc still enjoys the occasional lick-lick-chomp, not one of my
ferrets bite anymore, except in heavy play, and then they get a time out in
the prison pen.  It is simply not a problem.
 
The only other time I've been seriously biten was just today, interestingly
enough.  I made some jerky for the beasts, so they had been smelling it all
day long.  When I passed it out, Bear started fighting with Apollo for his
piece.  Now, Apollo had his upper canines cut off by a former owner, so I
tend to stick up for him.  I was handing Bear his own piece of jerky when he
grabbed the pad of my middle finger thinking it was the goodies.  The harder
I tried to get the finger loose, the more he thought I was taking the jerky
away and the harder he would bite.  I had to push pretty hard on his nose to
make him let go.  (The nose pushing is very effective; there is a good
pressure point just above the upper lip, and it causes less chance of injury
than squeezing the jaws open.) This is the best ferret-related injuries thus
far.
 
HOWEVER, before you think ferrets are dangerous, I must say Bear's
accidental bite is the worst one I've had, yet it is nothing compared to
injuries I've recieved from dogs or cats.  Statistically, the injury rate
for cat owners is 100%.  To put Bear's bite into perspective, I allowed it
to bleed for a few minutes, washed it, than applied a bandaid.  It hardly
hurts.  In comparison, I once got 20 stitches on my shoulder from a horse
that bit me, another horse stepped on my foot, breaking it, a mink bit
through my ear, a dog knocked me off my bike, breaking my wrist, another dog
bit my leg, requiring 18 stitches, an opossum bit through my thumb nail, a
pet bobcat almost removed my little finger, biting and breaking it in three
places, a pet rat put a three-inch cut on my right wrist, and a pet rabbit
bit through the webbing between my thumb and first finger.  The worst injury
I've received was from a cow than stomped my stomach when I was helping her
to calve.  I've had three surgeries because of that one (and will shortly
have a fourth) and have lost my spleen, part of my pancreas, about a third
of my small bowel and half of the large bowel.  I personally know many vets
with animal-inflicted injuries that exceed mine.  Give me a ferret bite any
day....
 
Think of it this way; I've had an average of 18 ferrets for that last year.
In that time I've been bitten hard enough to bleed twice, once accidentally,
and once by a very scared ferret.  If you add up all the ferrets I've owned
and all the time I've owned them, and convert the whole thing to
ferret-years, I've been well-bloodied twice in 42 ferret-years.  Can a cat
or dog owner claim the same?
 
I don't recommend any small child be left unsupervised with ANY pet, but as
far as I'm concerned, ferrets are one of the safer domestic animals.  There
is the occasional exception, but by and large, ferrets are not a serious
problem in that department, especially if some care and understanding is
afforded them.
 
Bob C and the 17 Bashful Biters (In memory of Buddy and Gus)
[Posted in FML issue 1879]