I am left speachless by the generosity of the anonymous poster who offered
his Chevelle for Kodo's freedom. I have been moved to match his donation
with one of my own. I will be auctioning off my most cherished (cough) pet
Mithie(tm) to the highest bidder. That's right, the amazing siamese weasel
of Antioch, the defender of sockies, devourer of undies, menacer of
noses -- Mithie(tm).
Mithie is not only a pet, she is a family systems consultant:
Do your joints ache too much for exercise? Mithie(tm) can help. She is a
personal trainer and accupuncture therapist. She'll have you dancing across
the floor like you're 19 again.
No accessories for your new outfit? No problem. Mithie(tm) is
hypoallergenic. Wear her on your ear or your nose. Going to the beach?
Wear her on your belly button.
Pest problem? Mithie(tm) is an exterminator. She can rid your house of
annoying pests like dogs, children, and Jehovah's witnesses.
Hassles from your local animal shelter? Let Mithie(tm) show them what a
real ferret bite feels like. She is a fully trained swat ferret, kicked off
the Navy Seals squad for over-enthusiasm. She can subdue and secure your
enemies in minutes while you run for reinforcements.
Mithie(tm) comes fully equipped with folding Goretex(tm) wings, crampons,
black leotard, night vision goggles, surgical scalpal, and a variety of
plastic explosives. Let Mithie(tm) into your life.
Let's start the bidding at 50,000 Zaires. Anyone?
Yes! Melissa! We have 40 pounds of lutefisk from Melissa Litwicki. 40
pounds once...forty pounds twice...
Thankyou, Bill Gruber. Mithie goes to the crossdressing email moderator in
the black leotard and wings for a platinum handcuff set. Platinum going
once, going twice...
Oh, Bob Church, how generous! One 17 year-old track and field star, going
once, going twice, SOLD! To Bob Church for his daughter.
All proceeds go to Rob Jacobs for his legal defense fund. Bob may collect
his Mithie(tm) as soon as he delivers his daughter to Rascal's Hideaway.
-Catherine
[Posted in FML issue 1968]
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