Q: "I just have to ask...How in the world do you WALK with 18 free roaming
    ferrets?!?"
 
A: On my feet.
 
Oh, I get tripped sometimes, and I hate it when just the tip or side of my
foot seems to whack someone on the nose, but for the most part, its not so
bad.  Much better than walking in my brother's backyard.  He has two giant
alien dogs, about the size of bison.  You can imagine the side of the
landmines back there.....
 
Q: "Don't you ever get tired of the same old questions all the time?"
 
A: Yes, so stop asking.
 
Not at all.  I feel it is a duty to share that which has been freely given
to me.  Knowledge is such a gift, and I'm happy to give it to others.  Now,
for those interested, I have some students loans that were freely given to
me....anyone want to share?
 
Q: "Why do the CF&G say things about ferrets like they do?"
 
A: One word.  Hemorroids.  It hurts too much for the stuff to go down, so
   they just spew it up.
 
Let's see.  Catching poachers with black bears.  Hard and they can shoot
back.  Catching housewives with ferrets.  Easy and they can throw toast.
Figuring out the envionromental impact of the ferret.  Hard, because you
have to admit it is very low.  Figuring out the environmental impact of the
zebra mussel.  Easy, because you don't have to do it while chasing ferrets.
Insisting you are right.  Easy, because it just is.  Admitting you are
wrong.  Hard, because it just is.  You do the math.
 
Q: "Are there anybooks on ferrets from the 1800's?"
 
A: No, but I think there was a movie, "Back to the Ferret."  Ferrets from
   the 1800's. Get it? HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!
 
I'm better now.  Yes, there were several books.  At least three different
authors who published several editions in the USA and Britain.  I am
looking up a source from that time period in Germany, and I heard a rumor
there was one published in Denmark.  [I have sent the references directly
since I think I've already reported them to the FML, and they can be found
in the archives].  This is the sort of thing you can find out from the
Fellow Ferret Geeks list, which should be running by this weekend.
 
Q: "Why don't you become a vet?"
 
A: I want to *SAVE* ferrets....
 
We all have special abilities.  A vet's special ability is figuring out
what is wrong with an animal that cannot communicate with words.  If you
don't think that is hard, try going to an MD and having them diagnose an
illness while you just setting there, panting.  I can't even figure out
what is wrong with people who talk to me.  My only real talent is talking
and I practice it as much as possible.  As a child, I was innoculated with
a phonograph needle.
 
Q: "What is the ebst advice you can give to a new ferret owner like me?"
 
A: Never squat nekid in front of a playful kit.  Its a guy thing.
 
Start a notebook--the kind with rings and dividers, and start printing out
stuff on various things.  Good catagories would be "Biting", "Fleas,"
"Heartworm," "Innoculations," "Domestication," and "ECE." Of course, you
would have a lot more than these, but you get the idea.  Read the stuff,
print out the good stuff, and save it for future use.  When it comes to
ferrets, knowledge is power.
 
Q: "Who are you, really?"
 
A: I wish I knew.  Next time I'm in the post office, I'll look.
 
Bob and 18 MO' Poledogs of Merriment
[Posted in FML issue 2819]