Ok, there are 4 months 'til Christmas, but everyone was writing their
carols, so I folded and joined in....
 
'Twas the night I had Ferret Math
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adaptation by: Stephanie Daniels
 
'Twas the night I had Ferret Math, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were stashed in the sofa with care,
In hopes that St. FerretMath soon would be there;
The ferrets were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of raisin treats danced in their heads ;
And mamma in her ferret shirt, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
 
When out in the house I could hear a loose ferret,
I sprang from the bed - silently, not to scare it.
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,
Tore open my kneecap as I tripped on a stash.
 
The poop in the corner of the fresh-vaccuumed floor
Gave the hint in the other rooms my sight would find more
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature kit, and eight others in the rear,
With a little sweet Hob, so lively with stealth,
I knew in a moment I had no mental health.
More rapid than weasels his business they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
 
"Now, WEEZIL! now, DWEEZIL! now, BUBBA and CHLOE!
On, CHIMI! on PEPE! on, BABY and SNOWY!
To the top of the couch! to the end of the hall!
Now stash away! stash away! stash away all!"
 
As old socks that before the wild polecat was tamed,
When they meet with an obstacle, it becomes a game,
So up to the couch-top the weasels they flew,
With a mouth full of toys, and my remote control too.
 
And then, in a scratching, I heard in the mattress
The prancing and pawing of a sneaky enchantress.
As I stuck in my hand, and was searching - no chance,
Down the chimney St. FerretMath came with a war dance.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his whiskers were tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of treats he had held in his jaws,
And he looked like a ferret with nicely trimmed claws.
 
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his markings how merry!
His cheeks were like chocolate, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the hair of his chin was as white as the snow;
 
The stump of a Cheweasel he held tight in his teeth,
And a poof it encircled the room like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a pear shaped belly,
That shook, when he dooked like a bowl full of jelly.
 
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old fert,
And I laughed when I saw him, His ears were alert;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had a business to be fed;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And snagged all my stockings; then turned like a jerk,
And laying his poopie beside the closed door,
And giving a chuckle, up the chimney he tore;
 
He sprang to his carry-sack, to his team gave a hiss,
And away they all flew to their hammocks in bliss.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out my mind,
"HAPPY FERRET MATH TO ALL, AND TO ALL FERRETS BE KIND!"
 
[Posted in FML issue 2789]