Dear Minta,
 
I sort of understand your feeling guilty.  I just lost my little 2 1/2 year
old girl.  She was my first baby until I got her a 4-legged buddy on 8-2.
Little did I know she would die about a month later.  I hope she didn't
think I I was replacing or was tired of her.
 
Anyway, I now know this all had been going on for 2 months.  I was taking
her in every week.  Thinking it was good, at first, that the doc wasn't
overreacting.  Being reassured it wasn't lymphoma.  Things clearly were
escalating and getting worse, but I continued to trust.  I copied and took
in any and all info I could find that even remotely related to Renny's
symptoms.  Had even taken to another vet prior to this one, that really
scared me when she ignored swollen nodes in her neck.
 
Well, I let this other doc do exploratory.  My little one had a lot of pain
I am told, coming out of it, and was given something for it.  I held her
for a couple of hours then had to leave her, so they could keep an eye on
her.  I picked her up at 6:00 pm and took her home.  When she wouldn't' t
eat at 2:30, I got concerned.  She never did seem to do too well after
surgery.  By the way, this vet has ferrets of her own!  I had to demand
something for ulcers, and more than once.  I suggested x-rays, etc.  I'm
not a vet by any means, but am not ignorant either.  She continued to bloat
and though I requested, was never given a diuretic or an explanation as to
why not.  I mentioned cardiomyophathy, she said the fluid wouldn't be in
the tisses, it would be in the abdomen itself.  I've since been told more
than once that this isn't so.
 
At 3:30 I took her to a hospital that, mind you, is ferret wise.  Well, he
wanted to talk about his excellent education and so on.  He said she was
dying w/ a temp of 97.7.  Not so!!  He finally put her on a heating pad
and started iv fluids.  He said he'd give her something for pain.  I later
found that he never did!  He said she should've never been opened up as
distended as she was.  I wanted to grab Renny and RUN when we claimed
ferrets are just like dogs and cats!!  Only I couldn't.  He was my only
hope at the time.  I wasn't at myself enough to ask for/about sub q fluids.
I came back an hour later and her breathing was so gurgled.  They weren't
even busy that night.  Had one cat they were sitting.  I asked how long
she'd been like this and was told they had just checked on her.  I said no
way, she didn't JUST start sounding and breathing that hard that fast.  I
demanded she get a doctor.  He came in and is side-stepping the issues,
basically.  Oh, and this is a different doctor, couldn't find the one that
admitted her.  He happens to have a ferret.  I'm trying to decide what to
do.  Again they won't give her anything for pain.  Plus, since evening
hours have passed, I have to transport her to the vet that performed her
surgery.  Clearly she is in no shape, nor is there time to prepare her for,
much less transport her.  I get on the phone to her surgeon to explain and
ask her opinion.  She says sure, bring her on in and to tell them to give
her something for pain.  Well, just about then she passed away.  I wasn't
even with her, but in an adjacent room on the phone.
 
I so regret not letting her go sooner, but I really believed she'd pull
through.  Only, I think I knew when I returned and heard her breathing that
it was just a matter of time.  I was selfish in not letting her go.  I know
she was extremely uncomfortable and most likely was in a lot of pain.  I
listened to them and decided to try and keep her alive.  Before I left to
get on the phone, she didn't want to be touched by me and was trying to
turn her head and body away from me.  She made a few faces that will haunt
me for the rest of my life.  It seems she may have even been disturbed by
the sound of my voice.  Later when I was touching her and took her blanket
off to see her, she had the bottlebrush tail.  This is why I believe she
was in pain.
 
I'm never going to forget or recover from this. It'll eat at me for a very
long time to come. I blame myself first and foremost, but I also blame the
docs.
 
I don't have a problem with a vet that has no knowledge of treating
ferrets.  I DO, however, have a big problem with those that say they do
when indeed they do not.  By the way, the doc at the hospital said ferrets
do not get ulcers.  I had to tell him that they do, if only secondary to
the real problem at hand.  He had mentioned, when I first brought Renny to
him that he too, read Ferretcentral.  I had to tell him that there are
several sights and links that go into great detail concerning ulcers in
ferrets.
 
I hope I don't get flames for this.  I'm new to the FML and haven't even
been able to bring myself to post about my Sweet-Pea Renny Girl yet.  I
will eventually.  I can only handle " discussing " the situation for so
long before breaking down yet again.  I want people that have ferrets to
know about her and I also want help as to why she died.  The ONLY thing
revealed from surgery and biopsy was enteritis and necrosis of fat.
 
Sonya
Loving and missing "Renner" every day and in every way.
 
P.S.
Minta, I don't follow my own advice too well, but I'm sure you did the best
you could, and knew to at the time.  It's difficult, I know.  I'm sure that
2+ many years from now, I'll always question myself.  I have a knack for
the could've, would've, should've syndrome.
 
TLE, THANKS again for the ear yesterday, and I am SO sorry for your loss.
[Posted in FML issue 2830]