Hi folks!
 
This is Tater.  Odie's still busy readin' books about gettin' married.  Paw
Paw just put a big ol' chunk of beef-critter on the smoker and is whippin'
up a batch of his secret barbiecue sauce, so I fingered I'd grab a little
pooter time while I could.
 
First off I'd like to say how sad we all are 'bout the three little guys in
New Jersey.  A really bad thing got did up there by some terrible, bad
peoples.  We is glad that so many good folks are up in arms 'bout the
situation.  Somethin' oughta get did about it now.  Odie and I would go
there right now and decapitulate a few stupid peoples if'n we only knowed
where New Jersey was.  We tried to talk to Paw Paw about it but he just
shakes his head and looks real sad whenever we mention the subject.  We
think he's gettin' a little depressed - what with his hipbone bein' tore up
and all the bad things that keep happenin' in the world.  We is doin' our
best to keep him cheered up.  Mebbe he'll snap out of it real soon.
 
We is noticed that there is a whole bunch of talk goin' on 'bout whether or
not us little guys should have free run of the house or not.  We lives in a
big ol' bedroom and don't never get shut up in our cage lessin' we been
really bad and needs somethin' called a 'time-out' - that ain't happened to
us since I acted the fool when Odie first moved in.  We asked Paw Paw what
he thunked 'bout the subject and he said, "Folks should just do what is
right for them.  Everybody has their own situations and needs to do what
works bestest for them.  If it ain't broke, don't fix it.  If it is broke,
then fix the HECK out of it." Sounds like good advice to us.
 
Paw Paw said to be sure an' let the person who asked 'bout the Rainbow
Bridge know that it comes from Norse mythology.  It's the bridge that
streches between this ol' earth and Asgard - the viking heaven.  We don't
know much more about it except that there sure is a lots of ferrets and
other good folks waitin' to meet us there someday.
 
As to who 'Bob' is.... Stick around.  You'll meet him.  He's a really neat
guy who likes to play with bones - sorta like a voodoo person.  He's kinda
crazy, like our Paw Paw, but it's the good kinda crazy.  We really like him
a lot, even if he NEVER did send me the nickname certificate he promised.
 
Now for the quandry.  Rosie and Maxie done asked us to marry them.  We
didn't know what to think.  Odie commenced to reading every book he could
get his paws on about the subject.  (Right now he's readin' a magazine
called 'Playkitty' that Thor smuggled into us.) He's done did so much
readin' that his poor lil' ol' eyes is startin' to look all red and
bloodshotted!  We asked Paw Paw 'bout this 'married' thing but he weren't no
help at all.  He just patted Mee Maw on the rump and said, "Go for it Guys."
(They done been married for over 33 years, BTW - to each other!)
 
Anyway, we has done discovered what girl ferrets is.  They're just smaller
and cuter than us big ol' hunks.  That's OK.  What really bothers us is the
fact that we ain't gots the physical equipment to do some of the stuff that
married folks is supposed to do.  Does that pose a problem?  Does it mean
that the stork-birdy won't be droppin' no hankies with baby ferrets in them
at our house?  Another minor thing..  we don't even knows where you girls
lives!  How is we gonna be married to gals that we don't even know where to
go and snuggle with them?  Odie says that the proper term is cohabitate
(Don't HE smart!).  That opens a whole new can of Pounce.  How is we gonna
work that part out?  We know that Mee Maw and Paw Paw wouldn't take kindly
to us movin' out so's we could live with you and seriously doubt that Ma and
Da would like for you gals to move out either.  Could be a problem.
 
Odie said to be sure and ask you what kind of dowry you was prepared to
offer us.  I don't gots a clue what that is but, if it tastes good, I'm all
for it.
 
Now, don't go gettin' us wrong.  We ain't oppossed to the marriage idea.  We
is mighty flattered that you think enough of us to make the offer.  We just
wanna make sure that we all knows what we is gettin' into before we makes
the plunge.  Mee Maw says that marriage is for keeps.  It must be.  She sure
has hung onto the Ol' Geezer for a mighty long time.
 
I gotta go now.  Odie's bottom jaw just hit the floor and his toungue is
hangin' out.  He just got to the centerfold of the 'Playkitty' magazine.
There's a picture of a buck-nekked, girl-type, kittycat in there!  I gotta
check this out!.  HMMM... Maybe you should write back real soon.  Mayhaps we
can work somethin' out?
 
Oh yes, what the heck does 'fleaoncays' mean?  You got us with that one and
I don't think Odie feels much like readin' no more today.
 
Many much loves and hugs,
 
Tater and Odie
 
(PS: BIG, sorry this was so long. Guess I've been hangin' around Paw Paw too
long)
[Posted in FML issue 1602]