>John, I've been down this road many times with many ferrets with
>many illnesses. Sometimes you can try and try and try again to do
>everything you can for them, and it's not enough. Sometimes, there
>just is no fixing them, no matter how hard you try or how hard you
>want to. Accepting this truth is not easy and we want to blame
>ourselves for not finding the answer.

Actually I have no trouble accepting their passing if I feel I did all
I could and there was no way to save them. It still hurts of course,
but at least I know there was nothing I could have done differently for
them. It's when I maybe could have done more but didn't see it in time
that it's so hard to deal with. As in Loki's case.

I didn't recognize it at the time, but he showed symptoms of anemia
after his first chemo treatment. Then he bounced back and seemed almost
to be a new ferret again. After his second chemo treatment, he again
had symptoms of anemia, only this time it was too much for him and he
passed on. I didn't even know till the day before he passed that what
I'd been seeing was anemia, or till after he was gone that the anemia
is probably what killed him. The autopsy didn't show much else, no
evidence of the cancer having spread very much yet. We're still waiting
for test results on tissue samples. *Maybe* the anemia was partly from
the cancer, maybe it had gotten into the bone marrow. *Maybe* the
timing of the anemia right after chemo was coincidence. But it seems
likely that the anemia was from the chemo, or at least intensified by
it. He recovered from it on his own the first time. With treatment he
might have recovered from it this time too. But we weren't watching for
anemia, weren't anticipating how serious it might be and how we might
treat it if we had to.

The fact that his second treatment was so much harder on him may
indicate he was going downhill and he didn't have much time left in any
case. We might have had to reduce or eliminate the chemo, and then the
cancer might have quickly overtaken him. But even if we had only gotten
him through this crisis, even if he had only made it a few more weeks,
he would have been here for one last ferret party next week, would have
made it to his 4th birthday on Halloween. To have him go so shortly
before these milestones, when *maybe* we could have done something, is
what's so hard to bear.

There's no way of knowing of course if we would have been able to save
him this time. But even if we had tried and failed, at least I'd know
we tried.

I do thank you all for your words of support. But it's no good telling
me we did everything possible, because we didn't. We did everything we
*knew* to do, and maybe that's all we can ask of ourselves. There's no
way to know if doing something more/different would have worked out.
But I wish we'd known more and tried more.

Anyway, I think an important lesson is with lymphoma and/or chemo,
watch for anemia. And be prepared for it *beforehand*, discuss the
possibility with your vet and what treatments might be possible if
it arises (blood transfusion, medication to promote production of
red blood cells). You don't want to be figuring this out at the last
minute because anemia can rapidly turn fatal.

--
John, Caregiver to Kody and Abby
With loving memories of Buddy, Cassie, Sammy,
Buster, Pandora, Tommy, Jasper and Loki

[Posted in FML 7589]