Hey Y'all,
 
Well, thought I had best put in my $.02 on the "Big Lebowski." I have not
seen the movie, but I have finally seen the commercial, once.  And being a
Southern broad listening to another Southerner (the Bridges clan are from
the Upper Gulf Coast area, as in Houston), what everyone else is hearing as
Marmot is, I believe, actually varmint.  As in any small smart weasely
looking and/or acting mammal or person.  "You wiley varmint you." hehe.
 
Of course, this is my Southern interpretation and I know how hard them thar
accents are for Yankee ears to understand.  Need to work on mine, losing it
living in the north.  Of course, no one here thinks that, but then, they
don't know what I am supposed to sound like.  To give everyone a hint, I
have been teased about the fact that I was allowed to tutor English and talk
the way I do.  I thank I talk jus fine, thank you very much.
 
Still have lots of the white stuff around.  I love it.  I am glad we at
least got one big snow this winter, it is one of the reasons I moved to
Columbia after all.  And yes, I did take pictures of the Snow Bunny
snorkling away yesterday.
 
You know, not too long ago someone who is definately not a friend sent me a
long letter telling me how wrong I was and backed it up with snips from
email that was sent to him about me.  It was not nice things, in fact, a lot
of it was very hurtful.  And one thing that some folks seem bothered by is
the fact that I will talk openly about my depression and my feelings.
Thought I might explain.
 
I have gone through a divorce on this list, depression, been the target of
hate and have posted about it all.  And I have gotten many, many letters
from folks who appreciate me doing so.  They have given me strength and
courage to live my life.  And they have thanked me for being so open and
letting them know there are others like themselves out there.
 
And I have also, I am sure, seemed to go back and forth in extremes in doing
things.  That is due to the fact that I was giving away all my personal
power and allowing the like or dislike of others to rule my decisions.  I
was not making decisions based on my own need or desires.  I have recently
started taking back much of that power and refusing to victimize *myself*
anymore.
 
Honestly, through most of this, the things that have kept me going are my
fuzzies and lots of friends I have made through the FML.  I cannot begin to
thank all the folks on the FML who send me encouraging notes when they don't
know me and folks that I may have never met or met only once who take the
time to call me friend and send me uplifting email.  And raunchy jokes.  I
love both.
 
It has been a very hard year and a half for me, and I am finally really
starting to find myself again.  I have made some very bad decisions during
this time, and hurt someone I loved greatly (my ex).  I cannot undo what is
past, I can only learn from it.
 
I also want *everyone* to understand that I don't have an agenda, I don't
get involved in projects for any other reason than the simple fact that I
think it is important.  I don't do it for glory, to get around others, or
anything else.  I have already done enough in my life to justify my very
being.  I do what I do, volunteer what I do, and try to make steps towards
something we all feel is important,
 
Ferrets.
 
I don't think that anyone in the ferret community is better than anyone
else, and I truly think it is a giant shame that personal vendettas take
precedence over our common goal.  I have seen it against me, against
friends, and against people I don't know.  And almost all of it is based in
rumors and lies.  And the only thing we are truly hurting is.
 
Ferrets.
 
This list is obviously read by a wonderful number of extremely intellegent
folks.  And one big thing intellegent folks have in common is a giant
stubborn streak, and a liking to arguing about damn near anything.  I know,
I do it myself.  But alot of us are also very sensitive, and this makes it
harder for us to contribute.  The inability to put ourselves out there for
attack and ridicule.
 
So even though there are those of you who would talk about me, call me names
and think I am crazy, go for it.  For those of you who like my humor, my
posts about depression and the love I have for my ferrets, hang in there.
 
This is a very round about way of thanking all those folks who have written
me at various times.  You have no idea how much just one or two lines of
good thoughts sometimes means to me.  And they always seem to come one my
worst days, and bring a smile to my face.  I wanted you all to know that
you have already made a difference in your life.
 
Why am I so maudlin? My divorce is one year old this week. And yes folks,
Mags gets lonely.
 
Maggie Mae with her Marvelous Mob of Clowns
 
"We dreamed we were strangers and awoke to find we are dear to each other."
Anon.
[Posted in FML issue 2243]