I read both articles from the links that Renee had listed in her post.
The legalization of ferrets seems to be gathering momentum.
 
I noticed that our side is unafraid enough now to mention some of the
negative truths of owning ferrets -- mainly, that they often get cancers,
can get caught in dishwashers, stuck in dryer vents, get thrown out with
the trash, and get squished in chairs.  I think that's a very good thing.
I mean, not that those things happen, mind you.  Ferret owners have
experienced these kinds of tragedies forever, and those kinds of things
are the things we absolutely dread.  Our fuzzies are curious and
fearless, alright, but they are not ten feet long and bulletproof.
 
California's Fish and Game are afraid that our domestic fuzzies are going
to escape and interbreed with black-footed fuzzies, thereby ruining the
genetics of the black-footed ones.  I agree for a small distance -- our
fuzzies *are* always trying to escape.  I certainly can't dispute that.
 
Bubbles has gotten out twice now.  The first time she almost made it
halfway round the block before she ran up the leg of the first human she
saw.  The second time, escaping from a different location, she made it to
the apartment building next door, knocked on some guy's door and demanded
political asylum.... and food.  We were very lucky both times to have her
returned to us, even though both times she never made it more than a half
mile away from our house/apartment.
 
If domestic fuzzies are going to escape into the wild and interbreed with
California's black-footed fuzzies, don't they have to make it *to* the
wild?  They would have to make it cross the street, then past ten lanes
of freeway traffic and the concrete divider to get to the airport.  And
after all that, wouldn't they have to get past surly ticket agents and
Homeland Security first?  I don't think many of them would make it to
Tahoe.
 
Our fuzzies can barely survive the hazards of urban comfort, let alone
make it to the wild.  In that respect, our fuzzies are more like
homo-sapiens than wild mustelidae.  We can barely make it to where
we're going ourselves, sometimes.
 
If the California Fish and Game want to prevent this kind of thing from
happening, I suggest they go to each and every video store and confiscate
every copy of Madagascar.  My fuzzies and I have watched this subversive
training film many times, and I have seen the gleam in their eyes as the
cartoon zoo animals learned how to ride the subway and pirate ocean
freighters to The Wild.  I have to keep a close eye on my fuzzies for
quite some time after watching this film, let me tell you.
 
California legislators are worried that our domestic fuzzies will
genetically weaken the black-footed fuzzies.  Let's say that some of our
fuzzies (those who have bootleg copies of Madagascar) make it to The
Wild, somehow un-spay and un-neuter themselves, and breed with the wild
black-footed fuzzies.  At that point, I would have to concur with the
legislators.
 
Imagine the genetic tragedy.  Genetically altered black-footed fuzzies,
who once fended for themselves, will now leave the wild to invade urban
subdivisions and start scratching on doors, demanding chicken-flavored
Ferret Chew Treats.  They will scrounge through garbage cans looking for
material to make themselves comfortable hammys.  They will use the same
dryer vents our domestic fuzzies use to escape, only they will use them
to break *into* houses and steal the dog's food at night while everyone
is sleeping.
 
You won't be able to go near a Smith's, an Albertson's, or a Fred Meyer's
without being deafened by the rustling of plastic grocery bags.  Don't
be surprised if you go to the drive-thru at Bank of the West and get a
capsule shot to you thru the air tube and find that, along with your
checking deposit slip, you have just been sent a dooking black-footed
fuzzy.  Remember to put the fuzzy back in the capsule along with the
pen and shoot him back when you're done with your transaction.
 
Yes, the intermingling of domestic and black-footed genetics will be the
start of a new urban madness.  And why not?  Madness makes our lives
interesting.  Who are we to question the madness of the California Fish
and Game?  The California legislation has been mad for quite some time,
now.  We haven't been too concerned with *that*, have we?  We have to
learn to go with the flow.  After all, it's all madness, isn't it?
 
Personally, I can't wait to see the digital video that Japanese tourists
will take of war-dancing black-footed fuzzies in the parking lot of
Knott's Berry Farm.  I'm sure we'll see these videos as part of the
Discovery Channel's series on The Wild.  I can't wait.
 
Sam
35.199551 N ~ 106.644249 W
[Posted in FML issue 5376]