Q: "Hey you old creep! What gives with the sudden FML output? Don't you
have anything better to do?"
A: It's my devious scheme to drive the politically correct off the web.
I'm doing it for America, buster! I'm a Vitamin D activist!
I'm just trying to catch up on all my old email and answer questions (some
months old). But you are more than welcome to assume it is an evil plot
and, if you like, you are invited to read sinister comments about yourself
in everything I have to say. In fact, everyone on the FML should believe
everything I write is about THEM!!! Bah hahahahahah!
Q: "What is the strangest [as in bad] thing you have seen in your ferrets?"
A: My ferrets dancing to my Leonard Nimoy albums. VERY frightening. I
swear they disco to his rendition of "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins."
They are more or less like any other ferret you would meet. But I did
notice one weird thing on Chrys this year. At first, I thought I saw
something that looked like a scab over a wound, but then decided it looked
more like a large skin tumor, like a mast cell. I showed it to my vet, who
also thought it was a mast cell. We decided to cut it off because it was
so large and set a day for it to be done. However, when I was giving Chrys
a bath the night before surgery (I always give my ferrets a mild
antibacterial bath the night before surgery), I noticed one edge of the
"tumor" had lifted up. I gently pulled and lifted the entire "tumor,"
hair and all, completely off. Underneath was normal skin and a carpet of
very short but otherwise normal looking hair.
A microscopic exam of the "tumor" indicated it was old tissue; probably
a scab. My vet and I suspect Chrys somehow injured himself, formed an
unnoticed scab and it never actually came off once the skin underneath
healed. Instead, it was trapped next to the skin and didn't lift off
until Chrys started shedding his coat. The hair under the area is still
extremely short, which is the strangest part of the entire thing. It
almost looks as if Chrys had a skin graft in the area. We have decided to
simply watch it to see if it returns to normal. If by the next shedding
it does not, then we will do a simple tissue exam to look for cancer or
something else. The whole thing is very strange, and neither I nor my vet
have seen anything like it before. Did I hear Leonard Nimoy say that?
Q: "...Why do ferrets turn their heads when they chew food?"
A: To see who they are eating.
No, the real reason directly relates to the tongue, mouth and teeth of the
ferret. A ferret tongue is a typical carnivore tongue in that it has great
ability to extend out of the mouth, but it is somewhat limited in lateral
(side-to-side) movements. The tip of the tongue does just fine, but the
back of the tongue is remarkably immobile. One anatomist told me (in a
lecture) the lack of side to side movement protected the tongue from the
carnivore's sharp cutting cheek teeth. Regardless of the reason, it
prevents the ferret from using their tongue to reposition food very well.
The second reason is that a ferret has lips which stretch almost to their
ears. I'm sure you have noticed this during one of their many yawning
sessions. This is a carnivore trait which allows them to cut small pieces
off large chunks; they just put the whole thing in their mouth and use the
cheek teeth to cut off small bits. So, unlike with people, they don't have
a tight cheek which holds food next to the teeth. Finally, a ferret has
a jaw which is locked to the base of the skull with a wide hinge which
prevents side to side movement. A ferret can CUT food but it cannot easily
CHEW it because the jaw has very little lateral movement.
All together, the result is the ferret turns their head so food will
"gravitate" to the tooth cutting surfaces. If the nerves in their tongue
and mouth tell them the stuff they are eating is too big to swallow, they
will turn and twist their head so gravity will pull the stuff back over
their teeth for cutting. It's that simple.
Bob C and 16 Mo' Bug Biters
[Posted in FML issue 3015]
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