G'mornin' again peeps,
 
If BIG allows this through, then I would like to relay a little tale.  Bear
with me, and if I hear one single solitary chuckle, I'm packin' up and
going home.  And I'm taking my football with me.
 
Right.  Once upon a time, before ferrets were invented, we had a Syrian
hamster called Ernie.  Now, Ernie was actually an Ernestine, but we liked
the name so it stuck.  Sadly, poor lil' Ernie went to the big hamster wheel
in the sky a couple of months ago.  Feeling like a change, we thought we'd
get a couple of Dwarf Campbell Russian hamsters.  They live together
happily, and aren't too boring to watch.
 
Decision made, of I trot to PetCo.  When I got there they had three male
Dwarf hamsters in.  Being a sucker, I relieved them of all three, and
trotted back home.  (I like to trot - adds a little spice to mornal
everyday walking.)
 
Anyhoo.  Everything goes great till last Monday.  Andy goes to clean out
the cage, and yells "Emma - come and look at this!" Thinking one of them
has met with an untimely end or something, I yell back "I ain't lookin' at
no dead hamster..." But he's insistent (bless him) so I meander on over.
What Andy originally thought were "bugs" or "roaches" (thanks dear) were in
fact wigglin' lil baby rodents.  Oh deep joy.  Great.  Three male hamsters
my arse...
 
"Jim" (the pre-op "male" hamster and mother of seven) was left with her
charges, and Boris and Oleg (the cuprit(s)) were moved to another cage.
Not a problem thinks I - might be quite cool to watch these things grow and
stuff.  Skip forward to Wednesday night.  Funnily enough, our friend was
over.  Now she's the one that works at PetCo, and "sexed" these hammies for
us.  And a grand job she did too...cheers mate.  Whilst she's there, she's
looking at Boris and Oleg, and declares that they are "gay." Deciding that
she's not quite the full quid, I wander over and take a look.  Sure enough,
one of 'em is having rather a good time with the other.  Waves of rapture
overcome me.  "Can't wait for the next 21 days to pass" says I.
 
Andy comes over to join in the reinder games, and says "What's that in
"his" mouth?" "FOOD," I reply emphatically.  "Looks a bit pink for food"
comes the retort.  Fearing the worst, I look closer - there's Oleg, Boris,
and two wigglin' pink things.  At this stage I went over and sat in the
corner, rocked back and forth and stared blankly at the wall.
 
Deep rapture and joy!  Evidently we own two FEMALE hamsters and an
incredibly randy male.  The big grin on his face and the cigar in his mouth
should have given it away sooner - but heck, I thought hamsters just liked
the taste of cigars.
 
We now have three cages, each housing one hamster and their respective
broods.  Let's see the buggers try any of their shananigans now.  I'm
keeping a very close eye on the dog; considering taking the ferts to the
vets to check the efficiency of the spay/neuters, and Andy and I are
sleeping in seperate rooms.  I'm drinking only bottled water, and I ain't
touchin' that Boris.  He's a tad potent for my liking.  At this stage - I
trust NO-ONE.
 
Anyone want a hamster?  They're all realtaed REAL well.  Dad and two mum's
are siblings.  Nice.  Real nice...
 
Emma, the unexpected hamster Grandmother.  Sucks to be me.
[Posted in FML issue 2893]