01. Every time you squat down, they hover around you with paper towels.
 
02. They have more brands of house deodorant than Walmart.
 
03. They race Chihuahuas to the vet for adrenal surgery.
 
04. You can no longer tell which way they are gazing.  Creepy.
 
05. They came out of the closet to embrace their carpet stains.
 
06. They read their newspapers when standing in corners, looking down.
 
07. They once got fired for scruffing their boss.
 
08. If you use their bathroom, they insist on looking at your poop.
 
09. They own more litter boxes than books and know the contents better.
 
10. They have learned how to hot-wire their car.
 
11. At hotdog stands, they always ask for the "Polish Cat."
 
12. The only dance they know is "Disco Butt."
 
13. Anytime you take off your shoes, they grab oil and nail clippers.
 
14. They are strangely interested in "natural" body piercing.
 
15. Before they go out with you, they ask how many socks you own.
 
16. They join a satanic "Dress the Ferret in Cute Hats and Clothes" cult.
 
17. They buy a karioke machine to sing ferret versions of rock and roll.
 
18. They airbrush a mask on their face like Hannah did in Blade Runner.
 
19. Budwieser Ferret spin-offs are a major portion of their portfolio.
 
20. All their hickies are on the BACK of their neck.
 
Bob C and 19 MO' Hicky Hicksters
[Posted in FML issue 2886]