Jeepers H. Crackers, Lisette!  Lighten up.  I had thought it would be
fairly obvious that my post was fictional.  It was a story, an anecdote,
a fabrication, a narrative, a tale.  Just a plain ol' yarn.  No one stole
any chickens.  No farmer's wife is morning the loss of her prized pet.  No
one tried to "murder" a chicken.  There is no terrified, starving animal
laying injured somewhere.  No one never got shot in the butt with rock
salt.  And, thankfully, there is no infestation of Brazilian Exploding
Chickens, contrary to what your Orkin man may tell you.  And I'm fairly
certain Bob Church doesn't cackle.  It never happened.  I made it all up
(well, maybe not the Saran wrap part, but that's a different story
completely).  In fact, if anything, the moral of the story is to NOT steal
chickens and try to kill them or you will get into a whole heap of trouble.
I sincerely apologize to you and anyone else if I offended you by my post.
That was never my intent.
 
When I first read you post, I had planned on writing a seethingly satirical
retort.  But fortunately for you, me and BIG, I had all day at work to
mull it over.  I realized I didn't want to go for a cheap laugh at someone
else's expense (okay, okay, that's what I did to Bob Church in my original
gravy post.  But that's different, I was going for LOTS of cheap laughs).
However, I couldn't get one thing out of my head:
 
>It is not O.K. to murder that living being, or attempt to murder that warm
>blooded entity.
 
Don't even think of trying to accuse me of murder.  For one thing, *IF* I
were butchering a chicken to use for food for my ferrets, it would be done
in the most humane way possible.  And the chicken would have been raised in
excellent conditions.  Much better than the horrid condition of chickens on
large commercial chicken farms.  For another thing, I find your statement
to be highly hypocritical .  You yourself have made chicken gravy for your
ferrets.  Because of you, a chicken died.  It is no different than if I
butchered a chicken.  You are just distanced from the actual killing.  And
my chicken would be raised much more humanely than your chicken you bought
at a store which came from a chicken farm.  (Unless of course you grow your
own chickens, in which case I will retract that last statement).
 
Please realize I bear you no malice.  You have different opinions than me
and I respect that.  But methinks you should put a little more thought
into it before you make such accusations.  I refer you to a quote that you
should find familiar:
 
>For the few who leap into action without actually reading what is
>written-please slow down.  This is a ferret crossing.
 
And by the way, if someone were to steal one of my ferret's and try to feed
it to his wolf, I would have a truckload of Brazilian Exploding Chickens
FedEx'd to his front door. I would become the Una-chicken-bomber.
 
May your tail be forever fluffed,
Limejello & The Weezils of Doom
http://home1.gte.net/wrenched
[Posted in FML issue 2749]