Well, my boogers are back from their mission and the replacements are gone.
You were right, there was poop in front of the door.  Maybe they'll go on
another mission soon.Shhh,don't tell them I said that.
 
While they were gone I found the FLO handbook, and I'm including an
excerpt, so be warned.  Read carefully new fuzzy owners(slaves).Here are
some of the Ferret Rules for Human Ownership.
 
Guests
This is where all good ferrets can show off their talent at embarrassing
their humans.  It will make your human proud that you are so gifted, and
sometimes you'll get treats to go away.  Use this strategy well, don't
overuse or you could end up in fuzzy jail.
 
Greeting Guests-This must be done dancing like mad, so they think you're
a wild animal.  Teach them respect right away, then they'll give up those
goodies your human serves quicker.
 
Sharing personal items-To see your human make strange faces and do a
removal manuver,drag out all those items that your human says are no nos,
and gives them red faces when dragged into a living room full of guests.
This shows your human how well you remember things, and they'll be so
proud.  If your human is wearing sweats or other pull on pants, this is
your chance to show off your humans undies.  Jump up the leg, hook claws
and let gravity work.  This usually results in another red face.  The more
times you get your humans face red, the more points you get.
 
Bathroom supervision-Not much effort is required here for the most part.
Just sit and stare, while they're doing what you do in the litter box,
re:owner supervision.  Those that wish can go a little further and lay in
the pants.  The look of confusion is worth it.  Watch as they try to figure
out how to get you out without touching you.  This does not apply to fuzzy
experienced humans, as they will either dump you or kiss you.Yuch.Those
wearing dresses must be approached differently.  Use the leg climb, slide
down with claws or ankle lick, lick, chomp.  After all, they were supposed
to wear pants you could get into.Besides,the screech is worth it.
 
Glass Diving-This is done after your human serves those yummy drinks.  It
is considered polite to wait until the glass is half empty before diving
for ice cubes.  If the drink is spilled, don't worry you can help with
cleanup.  Fuzzy experienced humans will require more subterfuge on your
part.  That's a fancy way of saying be sneaky.
 
Food Sharing-The proper etiquette is to let the guest have the first bite,
before you make them drop it.  For the uninitiated human a sneak ankle
attack usually serves to make the food come down.  If that doesn't work,
try the leg climb.  If they still have their food, try the bait and steal
manuver.One fuzzy gets up on the couch and starts licking, ear kissing is
especially effective.  While the human is distracted the accomplice runs by
at mach 4, grabbing the food as they run by, and taking it under the couch
to eat.  Once this is accomplished, leave immediately to get your fair
share.  If it is a gathering of fuzzy owned humans, go into the sad eyes
mode, and that should get you what stealth won't.  If they're tough, roll
over on your back and do your cute manuver,while sticking out your tongue.
This never fails.
 
Goodbyes-When it is time for the humans to leave, do your departure dance.
If there is someone you didn't like, they didn't give you anything, a quick
bite on the ankle should make them think twice about coming back.  If there
was someone that was really nice, shared goodies and rubbed the tummy,
climb up their leg and give them ear kisses so they'll come back.
 
To the person whose socks disappear in the laundry, mine always disappear
from the laundry, with a ferret on the other end.
 
Yes, Bruce, I think ferrets are like fire lizards also, especially the
mischief part.
 
Sandy and 4 FLO Operatives
[Posted in FML issue 2655]