Lisette's very funny post about ferrets bouncing within the mattress "like
little magical fairies all night" [FML, 28-29 March, #1999-2630] not only
made me laugh, but reminded me of why we haven't had this problem with
Baldrick, even though his top-secret, ultra-cunning hidey-hole is located
under the bed.  Quite by chance, the bed we own is of an unusual type (we
owned it before Baldrick moved in), but I thought ferret parents who are on
the market for new bedroom furniture might want to consider one like this:
the main feature is that the box spring rests on a piece of plywood, which
rests in turn on two long wooden boxes in which drawers are set.  (Extra
storage space for toys and Ferretone, perhaps?) "Under the bed" then is a
long, narrow area between the two sets of drawers.  At the end nearest the
headboard, there is a wider area which branches off from the "main tunnel",
providing an ideal cache for Mr. or Ms. Ferret's treasured objects.  The
upswing of this is that it is very easy to conduct raids on the pirate's
hidey-hole; in case mom's only pair of tan panty hose has gone missing one
morning, all that is needed is to: (a) get dad out of bed, (b) slide the
mattress down, and (c) enjoy full, top-level access to the entire trove!
 
We like the bed; it IS kind of ultra-trashy, being as it is just a step
above a water bed (and what's wrong with that?!) so those enviable folks
who live in Martha Stewart Land (lovely antique brass canopy beds with
floating clouds of white tulle and a smart mint-green comforter turned down
at a tasteful angle) might find this sort of thing does not fit with their
decor.
 
Safety is the best feature, however; the plywood has kept Baldrick from
discovering that the box spring is hollow and might be a fun place to
explore.  It is probably entirely possible and inexpensive to rig up even a
tasteful bed in this way, with plywood bought and cut to size at one's
favorite lumber store.  (I think the FAQ -- or even Martha herself for that
matter -- may have mentioned this, but it bears repeating since box springs
can be dangerous for the little ones!)
 
Yours in ferrets,
 
Brandon Burt
+ Baldrick (who can't believe I revealed the secret location of his
  peanut-butter drop collection!)
[Posted in FML issue 2631]