To those of you who have been posting that their ferrets have been getting
on the computer: shame on you!  How can you be so irresponsible as to let
these conniving little thieves have unsupervised access?  You were
wondering just what your fuzzies were up to?  Well, now I know--they've
been developing a computer virus!  And, I almost got hit with it, thank you
very much.  But thanks to some very keen virus-sniffing people where I
work, the following warning was sent to me just in time!  Please read on if
you're wanting to save yourself from total destruction.  Notice that
virtually all of the symptoms are not actions typical of ferrets.  Very
smart attempt to disguise the creators, but they slipped up a couple times.
See if you notice any of the tell-tale signs that this virus was indeed
written by some very cunning fuzzbutts.
 
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This is for all of you who are on a great many e-mail lists, and
therefore receive a great many warnings for viruses.
************************************************************************
WARNING!!!!
If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately.
Do not open it.
 
Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also
   delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and
   uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice
   cream melts and your milk curdles.
It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's
   number.
This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your beer.
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting
   company.
Its radioactive emissions will cause your bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you
   have some) to migrate behind your ears.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the
  while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing
  their meals to your Visa card.
It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is
   only fun until someone loses an eye.
It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive
   tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change
   the interpretations of key sentences.
If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will
   leave the toilet seat up.
It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows,
   but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.
It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell
   like dill pickles.
It is insidious and subtle.
It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
 
These are just a few signs of infection.
 
PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!
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This post, with *purely humorous* intentions, was sent by:
Dennis, owned and operated by:
Drizzle, Kismet, Rosie, Jonah Bear, Lucky, Sebastian, Binky, Hershey,
Godiva, Joey, Sabrina, Seymour Possum Butz, Missy (mustela putorius canine),
Pumpkin (mustela putorius feline), and Leslie (mustela putorius spousus)
Sammy and Newt at Rainbow Bridge (www.rainbowbridge.org, obit page 4)
[Posted in FML issue 2630]