These are not real superstitions.  I made them up.  They are Stupidstitions.
You are welcome to try them at your own risk.  I'm sure they will work.
Really.  Honest.
 
Tea made from the toenails of a hob and the tail hair of a jill will cure
most forms of mental impotence.
 
If a ferret runs across your foot, you will have bad luck for a week unless
you throw three raisins at it while reciting "Whattamadoin" six times.  If
it runs to the left, place your right pinkie in your ear or the bad luck
will be doubled.
 
To prevent droopsy, never leave home without a scent to your name.
 
To tell if a person is an undercover CaCa Land Fishing Gestapo Agent, place
their lower lip between the canines of a rutting hob, then scratch it's
lower back while pinching its neck.  Only gestapo agents will be pierced.
 
For prosperity and a long happy life, inspect a ferret baculla daily.
 
Kibble is a food full of mystery and magic.  Eat it and it rapidly turns to
poop.
 
Check ferret poopie dropped on March 10th.  If the long axis is more than
34 degrees from true north, winter will continue on for another 6 weeks.
If it lies true north, you will be smacked by a meteor the following day.
 
Any ferret grooming you is under the direction of angels.  If they clean
your ears, it means you aren't listening.  If they lick your lips, it means
you are talking too much and need to listen more.  If they groom your
eyebrows, you need to open your eyes.  If they dig at your skin, it means
you are hiding bad things you have done.  If they nip you, it means you
need to buy more raisins.
 
The "mud" removed from a ferret's front paw can be used as an ointment to
cure warts.
 
If you are biten by a ferret, you have 3 days to drink tea made from barn
owl pellets or else you will be transformed each full moon into a
wereweasel.  If that happens, you will strip off all your clothes, don a
mask and run through the streets of London swinging your butt back and
forth.  Its not a pretty sight.
 
It is bad luck to lock eyes with a ferret.  If it happens, the only cure is
to bribe the ferret gods with offerings of raisins or nutrical.
 
A nip on the hand is worth two on the tush.
 
He who gives a ferret the finger will scream holey terror when they decide
to take it.
 
If a ferret eats a bug at midnight, salvage a leg, crush it and mix well
with water.  Sprinkle it liberally on your bedposts to keep away demonic
old bats and their equally demonic balls.
 
It is bad luck to prevent a ferret from watching baseball.  If they don't
watch at least 3 innings a day, their "box" score will drop.  Now you know.
 
Bob C and 19 Mo' Steppin'-Up-To-Da-Box Ferts
[Posted in FML issue 2610]