This is a special report from the Mustelid Murderer (No it's not Dr.
Death)
 
If you have a faint heart or are a would-be Hitler, Stalin, or Milosovic
(by the way that last name doesn't rhyme with Son of a gun, does it?) and
are out of the slime to want censure postings you don't like, WOW, this
is not one of them, believe it or not!
 
So read on, you faint of heart and super lovers of the ferret for a bit of
a jolt to your sensibilities and sensitivities, for here it comes!
 
Are you ready?  Are you still with me?  My goodness, you are a curious one,
aren't you.
 
Well, here goes - all or nothing, nothing at all.  Hey, hey.  I sure like
this game.
 
Saturday, Sunday, Monday, yeah and even maybe Tuesday and on, there will
be Mustelid Murderers stalking your ferret.  And guess what?  You may very
well be one of them without knowing it.  Now you ask, what the hell is this
nut talking about?
 
Well, the Mustelid Murderer damn near struck right here at "Dirty Ranch,"
otherwise known by some as "not the biggest damn ferret shelter in
Washington after all" but as Ferret Endowment for Research, Rehabilitation,
Education and Training Society, NorthWest.  Yeah, you got it Babe . . .
That is the full name of the entity I call by using the acronym FERRETS
NothWest.
 
What'da think of that Pilgrim?
 
Seriously now, with the onset of summer-like weather and the higher
temperatures we will be enduring in the coming months, and with the
<AHEM!> better classes of ferrets still with their heavy winter coats
(indoor allthetime ferrets no no - don't get much of a winter coat as do
the out-of-doors exposed ferrets) don't forget as I did this past Saturday
to be aware of what's happening to your ferret when he's on an exposed
sundeck, patio, or staked out in a yard as were seven of our beloved
critters.
 
I really hate to type this out for you to see, but yours truly, well he's
the real Mustelid Murderer, for you see what happened here this last
Saturday when the temperatures in the sunny part of my yard reached into
the lower 80 degrees, well it amounted to (near) wholesale murder of the
seven ferrets.  Yep.  Heat prostration.  They sure don't last very long.
They pant like crazy with their mouths wide open, their tongues a bright
blood red and they breathe like machine guns with very short, very rapid
panting breaths.
 
Now I know, that once you see these symptoms in a sun-exposed ferret at
temps 80 degrees and above, well that ferret is going to go quick.  They
don't last much longer than 15 minutes, some longer and some shorter,
depending upon their health and the thickness of their winter coats.
 
Still with me.  I told you this was going to be awful, didn't I?
 
So this is how to kill a ferret . . . and cheap too.  Just let the Sun do
it.
 
OK Edward.  Enough is enough.  You know, I think they got your point.  Yes,
this just a bunch of BS (Barbara Streisand, as Rush Limbaugh - my Hero -
says)
 
No, my 7 ferrets didn't die of heat prostration, but 2 of them did show the
first signs of overheating before I took preventative measures to cool them
with a water shower.  And in going thru this exerience again this year as
every year I am reminded to post the following:
 
        GODDAMNIT ! WATCH OUT FOR YOUR FERRETS IN THE WARM SUNNY
        DAYS, ESPECIALLY IN THE FIRST FEW WEEKS OF WARMER WEATHER.
 
This jolting reminder to all of you out there to be careful, as are we, me,
and I.  This timely posting (not necessary to applaud at this time; just
send $$$) courtesty of the Research Department at the University of
Lipinski, located in uptown Mercer Island, just minutes away from a sleak
and sinuous Miss Minky and an azure Miss Maggie, our resident mink and our
talking bird who invites upon hearing a door knock by saying in a clear
voice, "COME ON IN," and just as clearly, "HERE KITTY!, HERE KITTY!"
 
TTFN*, Edward Lipinski. Chief Pot-Stirrer on this NWFR & FML.
 
*TTFN from the UK, a World War 2 expression for so long, and spoken as,
"Ta, Ta For Now."
[Posted in FML issue 2690]