Dear Pete,
I took to heart today's post about not just answering privately, but also
sending our answers to the FML in case other people might get something out
of reading them, so this is the same letter I already sent you.  Here goes:
 
No two ferrets are alike, and no two people are alike, so you'll probably
get a lot of different responses to your query about the lack of affection
you feel from your ferrets.
 
Rustle and Archie, the only ferrets I can speak for, seem to be very
headstrong individuals who don't always immediately know what they are
going to enjoy, and sometimes have to be taught.  NOW they enjoy raisins,
ferretone, and being held, but they didn't always.  Mooching bananas and
beating each other up (in fun) always seemed to be their priorities, and if
I hadn't repeatedly shown them that there was more to life than "banoos"
and tumbling down a flight of stairs with their teeth in each other's
necks, I guess they would still be content to have their world revolve
around these two things.  I do remember reading in ferret books that if you
want a docile lap ferret, you have to let them know that even if they
wriggle, you are not going to let them down.
 
I have also noticed that they are capable of a wide variety of behaviors,
but we don't always elicit them.  I would love it if I could take them out
of their cage when I got home and have them continue to sleep in my arms
the way they do with my daughters, but they tend to be more excitable with
me.  However, I am the only one they come up to and put a paw on, for
treats or to be picked up for a quick smooch.  My husband is the only
one Rustle ambushes (and one day I have to post on THAT little problem).
Different people seem to bring out different aspects of their
personalities.  With you as the one person in their world, you may have to
vary your approach on occasion to let them know they can't stay in their
little rut with you.  You may have to insist on holding them.  ( I don't
insist on that with mine, because I kind of admire the restlessness and
high spirits I see in them, but I see that they do "need" holding, too,
but they can get that from my daughters.)
 
No, Rustle and Archie are not kissy ferrets, either, and I don't feel the
steady glow of utter adoration from them that I did from my dog.  But I
know they love me, and I know we have a deep bond.  I can tell by how they
take a minute here and there out from their romping and mayhem to come up
to me, when they know that I have nothing to give them but a kiss on the
head and a quick cuddle.
 
Oh, and here is something very important, speaking of the bond.  In my
experience, this can take quite a while to develop in a ferret who has
lived with other people first.  Rustle and Archie were both "rescues", too.
The first summer they lived with us, we left them at a friend's for a week
when we went on vacation, and they had a blast playing with her ferrets and
were none the worse for wear.  By the second summer they had bonded much
more closely to us, and didn't do so well at the friend's house, even
though it was the same situation as before.  (So from now on, where we go,
they have to go.) So give them some more time, be firm in teaching them
what you expect or need from them, and recognize the signs of ferrety love
in the ways that they are interacting with you now!  Hope this helps!
 
Jennifer
[Posted in FML issue 2549]