Dear Bailey,
Pandora here to wish you a Happy New Year.  I wish things were happier
around my house.  The most horrible thing has happened, and its name is
Diva.  Yes, that's right, these evil people brought another fuzzie into my
home and left it here, right before Christmas!  She's awful, she's built
like a kit and she's lazy, sleeps all the time, and most horribly of all
she has stolen all of my hooman Dad's kisses lately!- just because she'll
sit still in his lap and give out kisses freely, the hussy!  I make hoomans
work for their kisses, and still don't give them any!  Now I spend a lot of
time just sitting in the end of my tunnel staring into what used to be one
of my cages, at her curled up in my hammock and in my towel.  Not fair, I
say.  Why, I've had to frighten the cat twice as often just to try to cheer
myself up.
 
But oh Bailey, thoughts of you help most of all!  I spend most of my time
running, eating, and getting into trouble, it is true, but I still find the
time to get beauty sleep for you.  I'm pestering mom to send you a photo of
me and my long lean little hard body.  And I keep my fur so soft, just for
you.  A poem for you:
 
Bailey, oh Bailey, you're such a dream
Each day as I wake I think of your name
You help me survive each lonely day
Please tell me oh Bailey that you feel the same!
 
Please, on the exact moment when the New Year comes, think of me and know
that I will be thinking of you.
Yours forever,
Pandora
 
Diva: The only reason why you're sitting at the end of that tunnel and
looking at me, Pandora, is because you know I'd kick your booty if you
actually dared come in here with me-- just like I have every other time
you've tried it.
 
Tank: Diva doesn't beat me up.  It's probably because I'm four times her
size.  Although, come to think of it, there was that one time...
 
Moogie:  She made you soil yourself, Tank!  Really noticeable on all that
white hair.
 
Flower:  I don't see why everyone is always fussing over Pandora, I'm much
sleeker, faster, my markings are more distinct... and I can fit under
doors faster and better than anyone else in this house!
[Posted in FML issue 2541]