My my my.  It seems I've stirred up a hornet's nest.  I haven't commented
on even the nastiest remarks, because, well, who cares?  My life sucked
before the comments, and it still sucks.  Besides, I'm here to discuss
the ISSUES in order to make ferret shelters BETTER.  I have no intention
of whining about silly people who can't understand the difference
between sweeping generalizations that create stereotypes and factual
generalizations that focuses on the issues rather than focusing on a bad
shelter.  You can't wear clean clothes until you first wash your laundry.
Oooooooooo.  I like that.  Here's another one.  You can't bake a cake
without first applying some heat.  Oh, oh!  Another.  The sharpest swords
are ground the longest time.  Damn!  I'm good!  Still, I have a crapload of
emails from guardian angels demanding I stand up for myself and refute some
of the comments made about me.  OK.
 
I walk the line.  But I don't dance the line.  I hate line dancing.  And
river dancing or Irish dancing or anything that makes me get in a line
with a bunch of other sweaty fellas and make a fool of myself.  Also, for
ethical reasons, I won't beeline because it puts bees out of work, and I
won't toe the line because toad lines are illegal, except in the south
where they are part of wedding festivities, where you often hear one cousin
say to the other, "Wyf, you hav' ta do it 'cuz ya dun ben toad."
 
With that in mind, I don't waltz around the country.  I frug.  I can't help
it, I am a child of the late 60s-early 70s.  Sometimes I mash-potato across
the country.  Once (and only once) I do-see-doed, but I was country-drunk
at the time and listening to Homer and Jethro alternated with a Slim
Pickens gospel album and a Marty Robbins best hits played backwards.
Caused severe emotional problems leading to an aversion to anything from
Bakersfield.
 
I admit I don't have rights to critize shelters, either.  Not even the
bad ones who bring harm to ferrets, or the ones that can fine-tune their
methods to make ferret lives even better.  In fact, right at this moment,
the Senate is passing laws repealing my constitutional rights to free
speech, as well as religion, gun ownership, purchasing of condiments,
condominiums and condoms, right to pass gas after eating broccoli, beans,
cabbage or calliflower, right to pun (which may not be that bad), right to
scratch my buttocks after peeling off wet, cold jeans, and right to drink
cold beer in a hot bathtub, wearing nothing but a smile and light green
shampoo, welding goggles and a bright red power tie.  (sob) But I guess I
am lucky in that they decided NOT to take away my right to wear a cool
t-shirt that says "Real men play with their weasels," my right to belch in
weddings at the exact moment the groom says, "I do," or my right to have
strange odors after eating asparagus.
 
Nor can I walk in a shelter-person's shoes.  They already have feet in
them.  If I were wearing them, they'd be mine, right?  So, then I would
have to take their other shoes, and before you know it, I would have
everyones shoes, and the whole damn country would be walking bearfoot.
And then, what would the bears do?  Bears without feets?  It would get
people up in arms, and if they were bear arms, that could be dangerous,
not only from the NRA, but think of the scores of feet-less, arm-less bears
caterpillering around the forest trying to bite your ankles just because I
took your shoes to walk in them.  No sir, can't do it no way, no how.  I
couldn't bear it, even if it means I would be defeeted.
 
Oh, I don't give a putrid rats ass.  I sell them.  50 cents a putrid
buttock.  I also have purulent 'possum asses, malodorous monkey asses,
decaying donkey asses, fedid fox asses, rank raccoon asses, noisome
knucklehead asses, and aeromatic ass asses.  Donors sought, 40 cents a
buttock, any a-frame can apply.
 
As you can tell, I don't take criticism from people who take my words out
of context very seriously.  But I do take ferret's seriously.  I don't have
to list the money I have spent on travel to visit shelters and clubs, to
transport scores of ferrets across the country, or to support shelters to
be qualified to comment on a pattern of problems that plague most of them.
Nor do I have to point out the vast majority of my ferrets come from
shelters, many in groups of 3 to 5, sick, with behavior and health
problems, and some on their death beds.  Nor that I rescued scores of
ferrets and got them into homes, usually within a week or so.  Nor that I
lose time from work, family and school, setting up in the wee hours typing
out answers to questions made by people who have few resources to obtain
those answers.  I am qualified to discuss shelters simply because I care
about ferrets.  Nothing more, nothing less.  In other words, by the same
rights and qualifications you have to be critical of me, I have to be
critical of the problems and difficulties facing shelters.
 
Shame on you for missing the point.  It doesn't matter if YOUR shelter is
good if a SINGLE shelter has problems.  Ignoring a situation simply because
you are insulted by the idea that many shelters have problems which can
bring harm to the ferret, is far worse than anything I've said.  And
supressing opinions because they don't agree with yours dishonors all the
sacrifices made to keep this country free.  I never used this list to
"spank" a single person or shelter in this country.  Some of you owe me an
apology--though I don't expect it--but can you PLEASE read all the words in
my posts before you criticize?
 
Now, lets drop the character assasination tactics, and get down to the
business of 1) admitting a problem, 2) defining the problem, and 3) curing
the problem.  OK?
 
Bob C and 20 Mo' Ferrets of de Feet
[Posted in FML issue 2519]