The FML is the size of a small town; it also has been around for over 10
years.  Both that degree of longevity and that size are extremely unusual;
having them TOGETHER is virtually unknown.  Yes, some small lists are
friendlier but that is BECAUSE they are so small and often comprised of
people who do not have differing opinions.  Some new lists are friendly for
a while simply because people are excited to be in something new.  The FML
is among a very select group of lists given its size and age, and has a
great deal warranting pride.  How do I know this?  It's part of my hubby's
job to be aware of such things and to work with internet anthro, sociology
and psych experts, such as Steve Cisler and Bonnie Nardy.  (Yes, there is
are specialties of anthro, sociology and psychology for internet studies.)
 
Have any of you EVER lived in a town which does not have a few people in each
of these categories: curmudgen, grump, flame-baiter, whiner, complainer,
insult-lobber, prankster, prankster-with-exceedingly-bad-taste, bigot, fool,
self-adulator, jerk-who-tries-to-get-others-to-fight-with-each-other, liar,
person-who-is-growing-confused-in-a-defensive-fashion, back-stabber, or
assorted other types of trouble-mongers (some intentional, some
non-intentional, some because they won't mature, some because of medical
damage such as multiple small strokes)?  If so, where is that town?  It
would probably attract any number of researchers for doing what no
community that size has ever achieved.
 
Face it, any community of any size is going to have folks who create
difficulties to be surmounted, or will run into situations which will cause
conflicts, or will have it's normally friendly citizens have their own bad
days when things spill over.  I don't know if it extends to an internet
community but in living ones I have often noticed that those who have the
most difficult time with this are often: people who often get others
annoyed with some of their more out-there statements but then expect others
who disagree to be muzzled, people who haven't yet been in the world enough
years to know this is the norm for any community, people who crave
attention and haven't figured out a constructive way to get it, control
freaks, egotists, folks who haven't toughened up yet, etc.  Look at any
town and you'll see what I mean.  Now, look at the FML.  How different are
we, actually?  Okay, everyone in this town either has ferrets or wants
some, but otherwise we are a diverse community just like any you'll ever
make home.
 
So, do what you do with any town you live in: make the most of it.  The
vast majority of people here are friendly and try hard to help others.  If
you find yourself noticing too strongly the ones who are not, then ask
yourself why they are your focus.  Is it a topic being discussed?  Find a
constructive way to tackle the subject and show them by example how it
SHOULD be done.  Is it just that there is disagreement?  If so, you are
going to have problems in a lot of places till you come to accept that this
is the norm anywhere and anytime.
 
The FML has acheived being a long-standing, good sized internet town and
that IN AND OF ITSELF says that it is an unusual success story, one of
which we all are a part, with Bill being the one most to thank for holding
it all together through extreme levels of work and patience every single
day, so THANKS, BILL!  Thanks also to those who help Bill, and to everyone
here who helps make this such a vibrant town and who helps find
constructive ways to deal with our natural share of trouble-makers or
disagreements.
 
Sukie
[Posted in FML issue 2441]