Never before has reading the FML been so personally enjoyable as 'twas
today.
 
This Ferret Nazi found the telephone number listed on the Ferret Advertising
Issue No. 11 for the Ferret Essentials Catalog 1 888 819 1909 is incorrect.
Is the correct number available?  [Moderator's note: I think it's correct --
that's the same number on their web page and in a previous ad issue.  BIG]
 
(By the way, the name or word "Nah-tzie" is really a nickname or shorthand
expression of the word "nationalist" which in the German language is
spelled the same as in English: "national," but is pronounced as follows:
"nah-tzee-oh-nahl" and was the name given to a nationalist of the National
Socialist German Worker's Party, abbreviated NSDAP.  Its symbol the
"swastika" or "hakenkreuz" became the official design on the German flag
following the 1933 German revolution.) Sometimes I hear "Nazi" pronounced
as "naat-zee" as in gnat-zee, and I assume, rightly or wrongly, that this
is the utterance of either an ignorant person or possibly one filled with
contempt who purposefully mispronounces this very important word.  I'm of
the mind that all foreign words should be pronounced as they are uttered in
their mother tongue.
 
As a "damn Yankee" (Pennsylvania born) with cheaply cooled ferrets and
without an air conditioner (refrigerating unit) I think it's about time
once again to march through Georgia and request that rebel Confederate Dani
Lucking strike the Stars and Bars.  General Sherman, come back.  We yankees
need you again.
 
Cindy Smith may wish to try enhancing ferret to ferret congeniality by the
simple practice of liberally smearing Ferretone or equivalent on the backs
of the necks of those ferrets that may be attempting to establish dominance
over each other.  It helps if after applying the Ferretone your rub the neck
area thus saturated so the oil is rubbed onto the skin and not just on the
fur.  Of course, both ferrets must be really fond of this oil.
 
For the experienced ferreter, you may allow the two domination contestants
to "fight" a little bit so that each ferret learns its own capabilities in
comparison to its adversary.  The losing ferret usually signals its
acceptance of a submissive status, (some call this the beta level, as
opposed to the alpha level attained by the victor) by emitting scent, or if
already descented, by expelling several fecal boluses and high-tailing away
from the alpha.  Once these status positions are accepted by the ferrets,
seldom are they challenged, and the beta nearly always gives way to the
alpha.
 
In addition to the status fixing and the Ferretone saturation, the next step
is to have both ferrets, now the alpha and beta, situated side-by-side
(absolutely not facing each other) and offer them LUMPS simultaneously out
of a tuna-fish sized can and while holding both ferrets on your lap.  Quite
frequently upon removing the can of LUMPS the two ferrets will greedily (so
it seems) lick each others muzzles, nose, tongue and even teeth.  Once
(maybe twice for Polish ferrets) they feed together and lick each other,
their tolerance and obeisance toward each other are vastly increased.
 
Finally, and this applies mostly to ferrets that are habitually night caged,
trade their sleeping cloths so that they sleep on each others scent nightly.
And another tip, try to handle both of them simultaneously by picking them
up and holding them to your body, one on the right and one on the left.
Keep alert for a lunging attack upon the beta by the alpha and if this
appears to be in the offing, switch the beta around so that only the beta's
hindquarters are close to the alpha's nose.  Of course, prevent the alpha
from taking a purchase on the beta's hinder with her teeth.
 
I can't help but wonder if Mark Strong offered an explanation to his
physician why he had bite or scratches on his scrotum or penis.  I'm a
little hesitant to admit that my doctor got a good hearty laugh when I went
in for treatment of four puncture wounds on my glands penis.  Note that I
was not naked as was Mark, but I was squatting Japanese style amidst a group
of ferrets out on the digging grounds and this little female got me but real
good right through the jock strap inside my walking shorts.  This resulted
in a tetanus shot, broad spectrum antibiotics, and tears, and not
necessarily in that order.
 
Concerning the safety of ferrets allowed free roaming in the basement as
Alicia Weiland expressed concern, let me tell you that I have elevated both
the appliances on four narrow cinder blocks each (on their sides) in my
daylight "ferretarium" basement.  The ferrets go under these appliances
regularly, and since the elevation is about 3 inches, they have never been
injured on their own.  However, on Monday washdays, my Swedish Hausfrau will
absolutely not tolerate ferrets on the floor, so they must be caged during
the washing and drying process, otherwise they will snatch socks, panties,
shorts, washcloths and whatever else strikes their fancies and off they go
in a hurried "trot," head held high, seemingly so very, very proud of their
odorus treasures.
 
Itty Bits continues with my second posting covering Ferrial/Fidget, Damon
Hudoc live mouse treats, Judy Moon's raising of "happy little NIPPERS,"
[log in to unmask] k9's down to the bone, Melanie Hawkins drooling critter,
Barb Carlson's sticky ferret feces, Sandy Pepper's Jasmine exposure to
potential sudden death, and ferret cloning for genetic divergence rather
than for multiple direct copies of a primary.
[Posted in FML issue 2384]