Q: "Do you really look at pet ferret bones....how do you get them? Why?"
 
A: I like bones because they are hard to understand.
 
Yes I do.  I consider domestication to be a form of making new species.  I
also don't think the CaCa Fishing Gestapo is correct in their assessment
that ferrets are a danger to California wildlife.  I look at ferret bones
for several reasons, these being a few.  I want to identify the changes
that occur in the domestication of ferrets so I can try to find them in the
archaeological record and settle their origin once and for all.  I wnat to
understand the trigger for people to domesticate animals.  I want to
understand why the ferrets in New Zealand have gone and remained feral.  I
want to understand what early neutering, adrenal disease and caged life have
on the structure of bones.
 
I rely on donated ferrets that have died of natural causes to answer part of
those questions.  To fully answer all of them, I will ultimately need dozens
of skeletons from breeders, pets, those that have died from adrenal disease
and those that have been late neutered.  In other words, I will need ferrets
from about every part of life possible.  This isn't a joke, its not a
"collection" thing, and I certainly don't want them for silly personal
reasons.  When I am finished with them, the skeletons will be donated to a
first class research museum to benifit future osteologists.
 
So far, a dozen or so FMLers have donated their beloved pets towards this
research.  In each case, I question the person strongly; in one case I was
asked why I was trying to talk them out of it.  But for the most part, the
people are sort of like me; I am an organ donor, and my body has already
been willed to science, including the skeleton, which will be donated to the
Smithsonian.  Others don't think the same way, and I respect their beliefs,
which is why the only people I have directly asked to help me out are vets.
 
Thus far, I have discovered several interesting things about ferrets based
on their skeletons.  I am in the process of authoring a paper that ferret
people will think is quite important, especially those in CaCa Land, but
can't release the details yet.  I still have a few details to nail down, and
frankly, I still need many more skeletons for comparison.  One of the things
I have been working on while visiting the USA museums, is the bones of
polecats and ferrets.  Hopefully, next summer I will visit some museums in
Europe to check my results.  My paper should be in press by then.  No, I am
not a ghoul.  But I have a ghoul time.
 
Q: "I noticed in your Modern Ferret picture that you no longer have a
    ponytail.  What happened?"
 
A: I love baseball, and was scalped trying to buy tickets to a
   Padres-Dodgers game, first-base line front.
 
Q: "Who many FML people have you met?"
 
A: At least one to many.  Actually, I think it is over 300 now.  With only
a very few exceptions, I have found each one to be generous, friendly, and
fanatically attached to their ferrets.  Sometimes the ferrets are
fanatically attached to them, usually to their toes.
 
Q: "Do you have a favorite ferret? You have 20 now?"
 
A: I'm partial to the one I'm playing with.  I have 20; Moose, Stella, Daye,
Tori, Bear, Foster, Ballistic, Nosette, Simon, Apollo, Crystal, Sandi,
Fraggle, Trillian, Sam Luc, Jezabell, Amber, Carbone, Chrys, and Tui.  Tui
is the youngest at 5 months, and Foster the eldest at just about 14 years
of age.  Most are shelter adoptions, two are blind in one eye, Foster just
about blind in both.  Apollo had his front top incisors cut off with wire
cutters.  Apollo and Sandi have adrenal disease; Sandi is inoperable, but
has survived a year now.  Apollo is being fattened up for surgery next
month.  Stella is dumber than dirt, but more loving than the rest.  Carbone
will lose his special purpose in July.
 
I adore them all, and would not part with any of them for any reason.  Each
one is special in their own way.  I readily admit they are a lot of work,
and sometimes I just get tired of cleaning up yet another poopie.  Still, I
count my blessing each time I pick one up and scratch it behind its ears.
I cannot imagine my life without the little poopers.
 
Bob C and the 20 Tubesharks
[Posted in FML issue 2312]