Dear FML'ers:
The ferrets are still talkin' about the biggest baddest ferret on earth -
Bob Church. How many days had it been sans ferrets, Bob? Too many. I had
to push him into the bathroom, away from a corner! Just like a four-legged
newcomer he moofed at each ferret he met. He tried to eat out of the
ferret dish on the kitchen floor! I tried to feed him the Hungarian food
I'd promised, and the beer, but, when push came to shove... a little kibble
and ferretone was as far as he got... then he crawled up on the couch and
began mucking, then chuckling as he nibbled and cleaned his paws and
tummy... and he slept for 12 hours! We have a huge ferret cage so popped
him in for his nap (just in case) and, after a long snooze with seven
ferrets, he actually began talking sense. Phew! Had me worried for awhile.
But, where were the floppy shorts? Seattle had hit 70 degrees or so this
Saturday, the first warm, sunny day of the season, but Bob was sportin'
skin tight levis, Bezerkley t-shirt, Harley Davidson sunglasses, and, gasp
beyond gasp, spikey sable-dyed hair (probably styled with Nutrical by the
reaction of our fur monkeys)! ... Yes, the long, sexy, wavy pony tail has
given way to a spikey crewcut, hair pinched at unruly angels like so many
odd ideas swirling about in his head, with a sable-theme hair color; oh,
and the huge pirate-cross earring is reduced to a svelte swirl curled in a
hole he swears came from a hungry baby mink that made fast food of Church
after he fell asleep while out in the field (a seldom mistake), leaving
their cage, thankfully for them, open.
So, there you have it. Fait accompli! I have finally, after six or eight
invitations, met Bob Church. Ssshh! He told me a secret. See, I'm a
procrastinator, and he visits in chronological order from when he receives
invitations - so there's your cue! That is, if you want the biggest,
baddest ferret man on earth in your house!
And, better news, he'll be back in Seattle! He's doin' some
museum/university thing (I mean does that surprize anyone?) up in Canada
and, if they let him back in the U.S. he's coming back to Seattle and says
this time he'll give me enough notice to schedule a little Bob Church Big
Bad Ferret Seattle Get Together! So, Seattleites, here's your chance to not
only meet Lynn McIntosh (who?!!), but Bob Church. We could make it ByOB
(beer/wine/apple juice) of course, and just hang out and worship Bob, which
is really why he travels. He was actually knighted while in Europe! Oh
wait, that was his professor. Actually, he didn't puff up his chest once
while he was talking, listened while I talked (and I talk quite a lot),
politely observed my husband building the "Wall of West Seattle" in front
of our house, duly admired (aged, spleen-checked, snuggled) each and every
fur kid, and was all around pretty darn nice! Anyway, if you're interested
in a Big Bad Bob Seattle party, send an e-mail my way and we'll see what we
can come up with for the man we all love to read (okay, maybe not all - put
those flame blowers away!)... he can only give a day or two notice, so
we'll need to be flexible, like a ferret.
Sorry it's so long, but I've actually been mucking and dooking most of the
day with Bob, so it's kind of a relief to write English!
I'm off to act like a human - muck, muck, chuckle, dook, poop - "hey ma
where did tha' big stinky ole ferret go; bring him back!" (See, Bob really
got me going... I'll probably later die of embarrassment at how I've acted
here tonight on the ole FML!)
Fuzzy hugs as always!
Ferret McIntosh... ...I mean Lynn!
P.S. It was easy to persuade Bob to stop by after his Canadian trip; just
told him he hadn't tasted husband Hungarian Janos' famous turkey soup, the
purree the fuzzies line up for in the kitchen while Janos' adds the secret
ingredients... then they gather round the bowl and lap it up. "I'll be
back! I'll be back!" Bob yelled, drooling as he jumped in his little red
car... you know, that guy's even got his car dookin' when he walks up to it
and points the key! Some guy, that Bob.
[Posted in FML issue 2262]
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