If any of you are as busy as I, then taking the time to write out your
resolutions is impossible.  This should help; just print it out, sign it,
and hang it by your ferret's cage.
 
1. I resolve to never break up a fight between a ferret and a potted plant;
   further, should the plant get the better of the ferret I shall help the
   ferret by upending the plant myself.
 
2. I resolve to never again remove items from any hidey-hole I find, even
   if the objects within are covered with green hair, smell like mushrooms
   and might have once been alive.
 
3. I resolve to never get between a ferret and it's bug.
 
4. I resolve to buy extra large socks and wear them.
 
5. I resolve to never again worry what visitors might think of the dried
   organic objects stuck to the wall about 2 centimeters from the floor.
 
6. I resolve to never again kick a ferret out of my bed even if it is
   biting my toes, and especially if it hangs on when biting my toes.
 
7. I resolve to build a ramp to the food dehydrator so the ferrets can
   eliminate the middle man.
 
8. I resolve to build each ferret's self-esteem by allowing it to think it
   is getting away with pranks and mischief, and to encourge such pranks as
   purse-diving, wallet keep-away, and cat torture by giggling each time the
   prank is done in my presence.
 
9. I resolve to never again embarrass, annoy, vex or insult a ferret by
   forcing it to wear a tuxedo.
 
10. I resolve to stop my uncontrolled giggling when a ferret cleans my ears
    because it demonstrates my insensitivity.
 
11. I resolve to no longer deny my ferret's right to inspect absolutely
   everything that comes into my house including pizza and tacos.
 
12. I resolve to no longer gag or spit out ferret hair, but instead remove
    it tactfully with environmentally-safe tissue, even if I find it at the
    bottom of my soft drink, stuck to my ice cream cone, or under my tongue.
 
13. I resolve to stop wearing my grandmother's old bra just so I can carry
   two ferrets at a time without using my hands, nor will I describe how
   to create ferret-access portals with ordinary household scissors.
 
14. I resolve to understand that litter is for digging and carpet is for
    pooping and promise to finally get it straight.
 
15. I resolve to twice each day pick up every ferret, pet it, talk sweet to
    it, scratch its head and neck and ears, rub its belly, let it kiss my
    nose, and give it a special treat.  Ok, *three* times a day.
 
Happy New Year!!
 
Bob C and 20 MO in the Bra Bus
[Posted in FML issue 2172]