This is a continuation of the previous email 080897 1350hrs and starts with
a JFKish summoning of the faithful:       [Never got that one. BIG]
 
Ask not Americans, what can you do for your ferrets; ask what can your
ferrets do for you?  Let's find out....Frettechenvergnuegen (Joy of
Ferrets)! to you, one and all.
 
Events:
 
1)  SLALOM ZIGAZG.  As in downhill skiing, your ferret is led thru a
starting gate and around 3 poles to the finish line . . . a timed event.
Ferret must be encouraged by owner using no physical means to drag or
lift or push.  Food teasing or using a squeeker is OK.
 
2)  PAPER BAG ESCAPE.  A timed event to measure how long for a bagged
ferret to escape from a large, kraft brown paper grocery bag that is top
folded closed twice and held closed by owner until "Release.
 
3)SNIFFING UP A STRING.  A timed event to measure how long a ferret takes to
sniff the 36-inch length of a horizontally suspended string some 1 to 2
inches above grass that has been soaked 3 weeks in a chilled solution of
extracted ferret scent and cold water.
 
A duplicate string has been prepared that has been scented with concentrated
ferret feces.  Compare times of ferrets sniffing along each string.
Conclusion ? ? ? ?
 
4) YAWNING.  Owner has just 30 seconds to get maximum number of yawns from
his ferret.  Gentle scruffing is OK, but please no pliers or glue clamps.
 
5) SWIMMING.  Owner, standing in water up or just over knees, releases
ferret into lake at starting line; ferret swims to shore a measured distance
and time is recorded, so a quick computation is made to determine ferret's
speed in water in MPH.
 
6) WET FERRET BOWLING.  Presumably these will be contestants of SWIMMING
contest.  Balled up wet ferret will be slid down a gently sloping plastic
sheet with markers of 5 and 2 points at far end.  Sliding ("weasel war
dancing") ferret stopping point determines score achieved by owner.  Ferret
sliding off end of sheet onto grass receives no points.
 
7)FERRET INTELLIGENCE TUBES.  A timed event to measure how quickly (the
smartest?) ferret goes thru downhill-facing wire tubes, into a 30-gallon
clear plastic bag, and finds its way out of the bag into an exiting wire
tube and onto the grass.  Ferret must have all four paws on grass to be
considered exited.  Please don't try encouragment of ferret thru wire walls
of tubes using Ferretone, raisins or other foodstuffs.  This is not fair for
the follow-on ferret who will be traversing these same tubes.
 
8) KISSING.  Ferret held at arm's length full extension.  Bring ferret in
for a kiss and then extend outward quickly; repeat as often as possible
during 30 second time period.  Kissingiest ferret with fastest flexiest
owner wins.
 
9) JOCKEY FERRET.  30 seconds to travel greatest distance without ferret
falling off your back while you are down crawling forward on all fours.
Ferret catcher recommended to walk alongside crawler with salmon fish net to
snare leaping or falling ferret.
 
10)FERRET FINDER.  Blindfolded owner has one (1) minute to scoop up his
ferret located somewhere unfettered in an enclosure defined by a rope
circling a grassy oval.  Onlookers help blindfolded owner by shouts of COLD,
WARM, or HOT, depending upon owners proximity and path to ferret.  A
dacshund dog may be substituted for owners ferret without previous notice.
 
11) BALLOON BUSTERS Ferret is given one(1) minute to burst first balloon of
four in corners of wire ferret cage.  Ferret if not removed by owner from
balloon cage in time to prevent all four balloons from being attacked, then
owner must inflate four new balloons for next contestant.  Otherwise owner
is required to inflate only the one balloon his ferret burst.
 
12) ESKIMO (ferret-on-blanket) TOSS.  Eight people holding firmly edges of
blanket with ferret in middle encourage "weasel war dancing" of ferret by
gentle uplifts.  With ferret playful, then toss ferret 1 to 2 feet in air
and catch in blanket (as an eskimo)as long as ferret continues "dancing."
Ferret signals end of tosses by claw gripping blanket threads.  Greatest
number of "flights" is awarded "WINGS" certificate of FERRET MERIT.
 
13) LAND SPEED RECORD.  Owner and ferret leap/run race length of 25-foot
grass race course.  Time across finish line plugs into equation to determine
ferret's land speed in MPH.  Some ferrets have a faster speed in water than
they do on land!  Oftimes trying to encourage your ferret to run is kinda
like herding cats.
 
14) FERRET/OWNER LOOK-ALIKE COSTUME CONTEST.  Contestants will/may be seen
on KING TV5 News broadcast at 11 PM.
 
Ferrets NorthWest needs volunteer help to make this a success.  Please
email or land line call the following, respectively:
 
                        [log in to unmask]          [206] 232-1228
 
A pre-FROLICS party for volunteers will be held at Lipinski's place.
Please RSVP.
[Posted in FML issue 2028]