Here's something I dug out of my old files that I thought people might get a
chuckle from.
 
Perhaps we are being a bit too hard on the "anti-ferret" people out there.
After all, they are scientists and have done considerable research to reach
their conclusions.  The problem with their findings is that they lack a
comparison group.  So, let's take some of the same reference points they
used, add a comparison group, one that is familiar enough so that everyone
can readily identify with it, and extrapolate to the logical conclusions:
 
1).  According to a study done by the New York State Department of Health,
over a 10 year period, after reducing all the reported bite incidents to a
common per 1000 animals/ per year, you are 17 times more likely to be bitten
by a human being than a ferret.
 
2).  The human mouth has more native bacteria which are harmful to humans
than most animal species.
 
3).  The only two animal species closely associated with Man to have true
rabies carrier status are the common domestic dog and human beings.
 
4).  There has never been a confirmed ferret-human or ferret-ferret
transmission of rabies.  In the history of CDC record keeping there have
been several human-human transmissions.
 
5).  The rabies preventative vaccine for humans is not 100% effective.  (No
vaccine for any species is)
 
6).  There are no shedding or incubation studies done in humans for most for
most rabies variants.
 
7).  In the over 300 years ferrets have ben kept in this country (ferrets
probably came over with the Mayflower) there has been only 1 ferret-related
human death, and that was under suspicious circumstances and parental
neglect.  Every year humans kill literally thousands of people, too often
children.
 
8).  Territorial and "pecking order" disputes among ferrets are rare almost
never end in bloodshed or serious injury.  The exact opposite is true for
humans, disputes are frequent and rarely end any other way.
 
9).  The Domestic Ferret is a man-made, created breed which does not exist
in the wild.  There are still a few groups of human beings in the wild
(Aborigines, etc.) But they are becoming increasingly rare.
 
10).  There are no feral colonies of ferrets anywhere in the world.  Humans
who have gone feral (criminals) exist in every country.
 
11).  Ferrets do not hunt in packs and are generally docile regardless of
the size of the group.  Packs of feral humans (street gangs, crime
syndicates, riots, Health Departments, political parties) are a common
occurrence and these groupings tend to be far more aggressive and dangerous
than their individual members.
 
12).  Ferrets have a limited temperature range for survival, whereas humans
have been known to adapt to almost any environment (including outer space).
 
13).  Most Domestic Ferrets sold as pets are spayed or neutered.  Humans are
prolific, often indiscriminate breeders.
 
14).  Aside from their limited droppings, ferrets have little impact on
their environments.  Humans are well known for their environmentally
destructive habits.
 
Based on these comparative findings, as well as on their much greater size,
strength, range, and aggressive/ destructive nature there is only one
logical conclusion we can jump to.  We, as responsible citizens, should
immediately mount a massive campaign to ban human beings as companions and
try to eliminate this dangerous species entirely!!  Oops, what am I saying?
I got a little carried away.  Maybe w aren't being too hard on them after
all.
 
                                       Never Mind!
[Posted in FML issue 2050]