Q: I have been arguing about ferrets, saying they can't go feral.  Without
   going into detail, how can I quiet the people who say they can?
 
A: How about a forced-diet of government cheese?
 
For some reason, I've had 7 requests along a similar line.  First, any, and
I mean ANY domesticated mammal can go feral, including fererts.  However,
and this is a huge HOWEVER, the state of California is not concerned with
the occasional feral animal, it is convinced the ferret will form colonies
and distroy wildlife.  That simply cannot occur in the Waste State of CcCa.
Why?  Because they NEVER have in the hundred or more years ferrets have been
in the state.  Remember, the practice of neutering is a fairly recent one,
which in fact makes the question moot; unless the animals can breed, the
formation of breeding colonies will never occur.  But in the history of
ferrets in CaCa land, certainly some did escape, and they were breeders.  So
where are the feral populations?
 
What the goofi are concerned about is the destruction of native birds and
poultry.  So lets play a "what-if" game.  What if a large business of
ferrets, all whole, were released, say in the central CaCa fly zone near Los
Banos, or there abouts.  The question is, could they establish a feral
population?  The rule for an introduced species to establish a "colony" is
that it either enters an area that lacks competition (like New Zealand), it
is able to outcompete the local predators (I can't think of a place ferrets
have done this) or they remain close to human habitation and essentially eat
our garbage (Many places in Europe and Britain).
 
The local competitors for this "what-if" population would be gray fox, mink,
long-tailed weasels, short-tailed weasels, opossums, feral house cats,
coyotes, feral dogs, and possibly some red fox and bobcat.  Can the ferret
out compete these animals?  Honestly, it would only have to worry about the
weasels and the mink, the remaining animals would probably utilize different
"niches." As for outperforming the mustelids, not even the European polecat
is fully able to do that.  In every place the American mink has been
introduced in Europe, the polecat has either diminished, moved, or changed
niches.  In short, if the polecat can't, the ferret has no chance.  And even
in New Zealand, where the ferret is feral, King's work suggests that it is
only plentiful where weasels are not.
 
But back to the "what-if" game.  Lets assume I was able to get lucky on a
date from the actress who plays Bellona on Star Trek, and ferrets did
out-compete the local predators, overcome the heartbreak of neutering, and
actually establish a feral colony.  What impact whould they have?  Well,
California is not New Zealand, nor is it isolated seabird islands.  It is in
fact an area filled (or formerly filled) with wildlife, each and every one
conditioned to predation.  We are not talking about birds that stare
stupidly at you as you walk up and wring their necks.  We are talking about
birds and animals that have had mink and weasels after their asses before
humans even walked on the continent.  These are not animals that will be
watching ferrets running after them saying, "Whet is thet?" just before the
crunch.  They are going to say, "There is a masked thing running fer
us...lets get out of here!"
 
And even if the ferrets were able to catch enough to maintain a colony, what
impact would it have?  Now here's the clincher, and listen carefully boys
and girls, because you will be tested later.  On the prey animals?
Virtually no or little impact.  In fact, the only impact the ferrets would
actually have would be on the other predators; the ones they out-competed
would have to find new homes.  Some of them would be displaced.  But the
prey animals?  Virtually nothing.  Nada.  Zip.  Zelch.  Did I hear a why?
 
Because the number of predators NEVER determine the number of prey; it is
always the other way around.  "X" amount of folage equals "Y" amount of prey
species equals "Z" amount of predators.  Ecologists have known this for a
hundred years.  Look at it this way.  Convert the birds to lbs of food.
Bird numbers are limited by the local environment.  If they exceed that
number, they starve and die.  Mink or weasels reach an equilibrium with the
number of birds.  If they have too many babies and eat too many birds, they
also starve and die.  If they make the local population extinct, they die
with it.  So predators are always much rarer that prey species (Usually
1/7th to 1/10th or less) because the number of prey species determines the
number of predators.  Replace mink and weasels with ferrets, and what
happens?  Nothing, because they will eat the same animals and in the same
numbers.  End result?  No damn difference.  No impact.  No pretty little
birds dying before hunters can shoot them.  (You have to wonder about the
intellect of an agency that wants to save birds from imaginary feral ferret
populations so bubbas can go out and shoot them.)
 
Yes, there is evidence that ferrets have been implicated in bird loss on
some British islands, and certainly they, as well as the Norwegian rat,
feral dogs, cats, goats, sheep, foxes, stoats and weasels, have been a part
of the extermination of some wildlife in New Zealand.  But CaCa land is NOT
New Zealand, never was, never will be, and any biocrat who thinks so has
excretment for brains.  I'm sorry, I didn't mean to slander good wholesome
excretment.  These idiots must have been playing "One-armed Willy" with
their "best friend" on the day ecology was being taught in their remedial
biology class.  These people don't research, they don't read, they don't
even crack a book or think.  They have the intellectual depth of snot
smeared on a mirror, which I actually respect somewhat more.
 
Listen Fish and Gestapo agents lurking in the background like the slime you
are.  You want respect?  You want academic parity?  Then act like academics.
Go to the library computer, assuming you know what a library is, click the
little mouse thing on "Biological Abstracts" and search for feral animals,
introduced species, and predator-prey ecology.  Read the stuff, get the
original articles, read them, and then get some of the original references
and read them.  If you work fast and hard, this will take a week, maybe two.
THEN argue your position ferrets can go feral and will make a devestating
impact.  Well, first you must FIND something, and then you must be able to
read....
 
Bob C and the 17 MO Snot-blowers
[Posted in FML issue 1924]