I was recently informed my sys-op is almost finished tracking the source of
my hate e-mail and stuff.  Seems there have been at least 3 people, one
confirmed from a California .edu address (don't know exactly who yet) and
the other two using AOL.  I haven't decided what to do.....yet.
 
Q: I am new to ferreting and you seem to know a few things.  What are your
   top hints?
 
A: You are right, I know a FEW things ;-).
 
Ok, Bob's top ten ferret hints:
 
10. Buy two 50cc syringes (tube, not needle).  Cut the bottoms off the
Nutrical and Petromalt, and squeeze the contents of each tube into a
different heavy-duty 1-quart ziplock bag.  Suck out the air, and zip it
shut.  To fill a syringe, stick the tip into the ziplock and suck the stuff
in.  Takes a minute or so.  The advantage of this system is you can get ALL
the expensive goodies into the bag, and the syringe is much easier to use
than the tube.  You can monitor doses, and you don't have all those
"almost-empty" tubes lying around.  PLUS you can mix meds or other stuff
into the goodies in the ziplock simply by pouring the stuff in and kneading
the outside of the bag until mixed.
 
09. Never let someone pet the business end of your ferret unless you are
willing to bet the ferret's head nothing will happen if something does
happen.
 
08. Hold, tease, rub the fur the wrong way, tickle, pick up, annoy, pester,
pet, smooth, toss on the couch, kiss, or otherwise physically react to your
ferrets a minimum of three times a day.  Talk to them while you are doing
this.  If they are sick, make the rule 9 times a day.  If you keep getting
bit, make the rule 10 times a day.
 
07. Call your ferret by a single name and stick to it.  Avoid different
names at all costs.  Strengthen your ferret's understanding of their name
by giving a tiny treat each time they respond to THEIR name only.
 
06. Use a clicker, whistle, horn or other type of noisemaker to alert your
ferrets that it is a) mealtime, b) treattime, or 3) fun time.  ALWAYS use
the noise.  You will have a conditioned business that will nearly always
respond in emergencies, like a house on fire, or when locally lost.  Usually
if used with #7, all your ferrets will respond.
 
05. Put 1000mg of Vitamin C into 2 liters of water.  It will slow down the
growth of bacteria in the water and give your ferrets a daily dose of "C."
 
04. Ferrets are like puppies stuck in the juvenile mode.  Try to reward
good behavior and punish bad behavior.  Be very consistent in both regards,
but I am not talking about physical punishment (except for biting the
ferret's ears-gently).  Use a "time-out" cage, stop playing, put them away.
I always forcefully tell them "NO" in a sharp and loud tone before they are
punished, then if it continues, they get the time-out cage.  The cage is
only good for about 10 minutes because the ferret is sure to have forgotten
what caused it to be put there, so make the confinements short.  Also, never
punish a ferret if you can do it immediately.
 
03. Invest in a postal scale and weigh your ferrets weekly.  Often the
first symptom of a sick ferret is a sustained weight loss.  You can't always
tell by the way the ferret looks.  Weigh them and record the weights.
 
02. Buy a small notebook and make a diary for each ferret.  Daily might be
too much, but at least monthly write down the things it likes to do, its
emotional state, who picks on whom, favorite treats and toys, and WEIGHT!
Record vet trips, and take the book with you to the vet for consultation.
When I get kits, I take a series of foot prints using a non-toxic stamp pad
monthly.  After a year, I only do it each year.  I also clip small pieces of
fur and glue them in the book, and add photos.  When the ferret dies, I take
a final photo, footprint and lock of hair as a sort of closure.  The books
become quite special.
 
01. Get Pam Greene's FAQs from Ferret Central and READ them.  Stay with the
FML even when loud-mouths like me get out of hand.  Even if all you do is
lurk, the amount of knowledge that gets passed on in this forum is amazing.
Never be afraid of asking questions, even silly ones, because the number of
flames on this list are laughable compared to other lists.  (If you really
want to see flames, find a list with a lot of teenaged boys on it.  You'll
come running back, yelling "Bring me home BIG!  I've seen the light!").
Yes, the FML is a weird place.  Get used to it.
 
BONUS TIP: There is no need to waste money on expensive toys.  An old
washcloth tied in a knot, then tied to a string will bring hours of joy to
the ferrets and to you.  Paper sacks are fantastic.  A paper box filled with
crumpled paper is a winner.  Old baseball caps are loved by ferrets,
especially those that stink from sweaty heads.  One of my fert's favorite
all time toys is three wooden disks tied to a string.  The disks clatter as
they are pulled across the floor, and they are soft enough not to hurt the
teeth.  Lastly, any toy is fun, but the best toys have people attached to
the other end.  Lots of people tell me their ferrets are bored, they don't
like their toys, etc., but they do just fine when I try them.  Why?  Because
I move them, squeak them, roll them, etc.  A toy without a human is like a
pie without the filling.  (Make mine "Bobinberry...")
 
Bob C and the 17 MO Carpet Killers
[Posted in FML issue 1914]