Hi FML!  This is Elizabeth, daughter of the Madman Bob, and I thought I
would let you in on another of dad's escapades with the ferrets.  This is a
story about Razz, the little girl ferret that some creep cut off her front
toes.  Razz is really sweet, and dad kind of babies her because she can't
defend herself against the other ferrets very well.  Dad always picks her up
and calms her down.  Sometimes he "fights" the ferret with her, especially
Bear who loves picking on Razz, and helps her win.
 
Recently Razz looked like she had been bit over the eye, but dad said it was
a minor cellanoma or something.  I really don't remember what he said it was
because he is always spouting off stuff and it starts to all sound the same.
I've told him he could send in the same FML post with a different headline
and no one would notice.  Anyway, dad said he would have the vet zap the
thing when Razz goes in for her shots in May.  When dad was showing me the
thing under his magnifier, the phone rang, so he sat Razz down on the
counter and ran over to the phone because he has this new thingie on the
phone that records everything.  Someone was been calling all the time and
then hanging up, and dad gets weird e-mails and stuff.  Once a woman called
and said she was someone else, but when I talked to her she couldn't fool me
because I knew the person.  Dad found out that three people are involved.
One is from California for sure, and he thinks the other two are in the
midwest but isn't sure yet.  He says it is nothing to worry about, but it is
freaky.
 
Anyway, dad ran to the phone thingie to make sure it works, and I went to
get some pineapple juice.  I'm in training you know.  Razz was left on the
counter, but dad doesn't care much because the counter by the sink has sort
of turned into a ferret place.  But dad forgot he had just finished
dehydrating alot of stuff, and had left the trays out.  Razz knew exactly
which tray to yank on to make them all fall, so she yanked on it.  About
this time, dad saw the thing happening, so he makes a football dive to catch
the trays.  Well dad isn't a teenager anymore, so his dive was a bit short
and the trays hit the floor, then bounced in the air, throwing the stuff out
and all over dad.
 
Dad stood up and his hair was filled with sticky raisins and pineapple.  In
one of the trays dad had poured a meat mixture, so he can give something
like those fruit rollups to the ferrets, except this was meaty.  The stuff
wasn't completely dry yet, and was all over the floor and dad.  Anyway the
noise got all the other ferrets interested, but because the kitchen is off
limits after Bastet (Our dumb cat) burned her nose on the oven, all they
could do was jump at the barrier.  Then the unexpected happened.  When dad
put the barrier up, he didn't hook it right, so when the ferrets jumped on
the barrier, it fell down.
 
Suddenly, dad was covered from head to foot with ferret bodies, all trying
to get the fresh treats and licking off the meat stuff.  Foster grabbed a
raisin in dad's hair, but got some hair with it, and looked like he was
trying to pull dad out the hall.  When dad hit the floor, his elbow knocked
the wind out of him, so he couldn't actually get up, and all the ferrets
were jumping and war dancing all over the place.  Of course, the first place
fat Stella went was under the fridge and got stuck.  Dad had to lift the
thing and I grabbed her.  What was terrible was when dad lifted the fridge,
a small bowl of pretzels fell of, again on dad!  Some salt got in dad's eye,
so he was lying on the floor, rubbing his eyes, and ferrets were crawling
all over him eating pieces of fruit and pretzels and licking the meat stuff
off dad.
 
I ran for the video camera, but dad jumped up and ran to his bathroom.
After he showered, he came out and I found a tiny piece of pineapple still
in his hair.  Anyway, I thought you would like to know.
 
Elizabeth
[Posted in FML issue 1913]