Hi FML!  This is Elizabeth, daughter of Bonehead Bob, the ferret sage.  Dad
is drugged and snoring on the front room floor, flat on his back and covered
with fuzzies, and with Red Dwarf playing in the background.  Stella is
camped out under his shirt with her tail sticking out of the neck-hole.  It
looks really funny.  I think the tail is tickling his nose every once in a
while because he will sometimes snort and paw at the air.  He is a lot more
fun to watch than Red Dwarf.
 
Dad, Andrew and I all flew back together, and I got to drive the new red car
back to Columbia.  Dad said I needed the practice smiling at cute guys when
I drove by.  What a liar!  We got in early Monday morning.  Grams is doing a
lot better and will go home next week.  She even nagged at dad for not
having the surgery he was supposed to have.  Dad acted just like a kid when
she nagged at him, and looked exactly like Andrew does when he forgets to do
his chores and dad reminds him.  It was so funny.
 
You FMLers on the east coast need to make dad take care of himself when he
leaves to go the museums.  Make sure he takes his pills and if he gets to
white, make him see the doctor.  I am so mad at him for this I could spit,
then he reminds me I ran the mile at state with a broken ankle.  He had
planned to only be gone a few weeks at a time, but because he lost time
seeing is mom, and the death of his dad, he says he will be gone until
August, so I am a little worried.  He is such a creep!
 
Sandy didn't have surgery because we where all gone, but she will have it
next week after dad leaves.  I was volunteered to be the Sandy nurse.  Dad
says its because I am such a good nurse, and because he loves Sandy so much
there are only a few people he will trust with her, but I think its to get
back at me for all the things I say about him on the FML.  Dad talked to the
vet dr.  and I get to go into surgery and watch.  Later, I get to stay with
Sandy until she recovers.  This is all part of dad's plan to make us all
"Renansance Men" who know lots about everything.  I think he just wants to
see me throw up.  For my 18th birthday, we jumped out of an airplane
together, and for Andrew's 17th, dad bought him flying lessons.  Dad used to
have a pilot's licence, but lost it because of the drugs he takes for his
belly.  Most of the time it is really boring, but sometimes its pretty cool,
like when dad let us meet chimps and another time when dad took us snorkling
in Baja California to see the sharks.  Once dad and one of his friends made
us ride horses all day out in the desert, and that night we camped outside
some Anazasi ruins that hardly anyone knows about.  Dad made us all get out
of bed about 3 am to see the ruins when the moon came up.  I acted mad, but
it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.  Anyway, I get to
take care of Sandy when dad is gone, which is like the rest of the summer.
Ok, Andy will help some.
 
Remember to make dad take care of him self, and don't tell him I told to
too.  Now, I just got to remember to read tomorrows FML before dad does, and
erase my letter.
 
Elizabeth, daughter of Bonehead Bob and chief picker upper of pooper
 
PS: I tried to send this a couple of times then remembered dad did something
to his program.  I have to do some special things, so I hope I get it right
this time
[Posted in FML issue 1983]