Hello this is Agent Mortimer XKL987 reporting
 
We have had several grand victories in the war on... on... in the war
anyway.  We were overwhelmed by a reorganization of our room by neutral
humans recently.  It seems that they planned to take over the territory
after ripping up the terrain and replacing it with a new one.  They placed
electromagnetic receiving and recording devices and recreational apparatus
in our previously secure territory.
 
We immediately secured the recreational apparatus (large beige vinyl with
cushions) by crawling under it, ripping out foam, and holing up inside,
leaving always one agent inside to guard.
 
The neutral humans outwitted us by removing the roller legs and setting the
apparatus directly upon the floor.  Daunted and depressed, we regrouped.
While agent Sebastian and I supervised, recruit Mithril fearlessly dug into
the apparatus (now our most cherished secret base) from above by removing
one of the cushion obstacles and forcing her pointed head inside.  Agent
Mithril then staged a starvation strike inside the cherished base for eight
hours (claiming she could not find her way out).  Agent Sebastian (my direct
supervisor) agreed that the entrance she found was one way only.  The
neutral humans finally freed her and decontaminated the area beneath our
most cherished home base, only to return the apparatus to its previous state.
 
I made the courageous decision to join Recruit Mithril the next day in her
hunger strike inside the most cherished home base.  Agent Sebastian declined
claiming he had "managerial" tasks to attend to.  Indeed, as Mithril
claimed, the entrance was one way only and we slept all day inside feeling
elated with our victory.
 
In time, the neutral humans released us.  Instead of leaving the apparatus
as it was, they set it in a position which opened the bottom to the entire
room.  It was with glee and exhilaration that we claimed the innards of our
most cherished home base.  There was some talk of cutting a hole in the back
and setting it back on its base, but the female neutral human (they seem
brighter) pointed out that it would have the same effect as putting the legs
back.  So that was done and we have scored a major victory in our war on...
on... well, yes, LONG LIVE THE FLO!
 
In a smaller victory, we have trained the neutral humans to turn our
litterbox (cut down on two sides) so that the high sides face away from the
wall.  This increases privacy and our use of the litterbox is now much more
pleasurable.  With increased attention from the humans, the box also now
remeans clean though it is heavily bombed.  If you would like to train your
humans to do this, repeatedly turn the box yourself.  (See p. 422, and
Appendix 3X of the training manual for exercise.) At first they will think
it a coincidence.  Shortly they will realize that is the natural orientation
for a litterbox and succumb to your wishes.
 
-Mortimer
 
End transmission--
[Posted in FML issue 1844]