Catherine Shaffer made some very good points, the following of which I feel
are the most important.
 
4) Sending geriatric ferrets via mail to geriatric patients,
   and
5) Taping ferrets to greyhounds.
 
I feel that sending ferrets to the elderly would be a great leap ahead in
post-office technology and service.  Certainly, some ferrets would escape in
transit, and certainly, many of those ferrets would be clever and motivated.
Well, i know that *my* MF ferret, Friday, would do ANYTHING for a treat -
including delivering mail.  We ruled out this method of mail delivery for
one reason - Friday could really only deliver one piece of mail at a time,
and despite the fact that she is a dedicated and speedy ferret, that would
probably not meet the needs of the United States Postal Service.  However,
the escaped mail ferrets would certainly be of great aid - certainly some
dozens of the estimated hundred retired breeders would escape.  These
ferrets, upon finding themselves in the post office, could be relied upon to
grab *some* piece of mail.  From that point, it's only a matter of
opportunity - someone would have to be there to reward the ferret with some
delectable treat, and off the mail goes!  The charm of receiving a
mis-delivered piece of mail would go up considerably if the deliveree was a
ferret.
 
And with regards to taping ferrets to greyhounds: I will assume that
Catherine meant *retired* greyhounds, although taping ferrets to actual
*working* greyhounds could only help the greyhound industry.  In the first
instance, anyone adopting a retired greyhound as a pet would get a special
bonus prize: a ferret!  This places ferrets in preselected caring homes -
the homes of people who are willing to adopt an adult animal.  These people
would surely not begrudge a corner of the house, as the greyhound would
surely not begrudge a few pieces of tasty greyhound chow.  In the second
instance, what could motivate a greyhound to move faster than an irate
ferret taped to its hindquarters?  This may seem cruel to you, but just
think - the ferret probably wants to get that rabbit as much as the
greyhound.  And when the race is over, the ferret will probably have freed
itself, and it can go AFTER the rabbit the way the greyhound never could,
since the greyhound, though long and slinky, is not a diminutive 4 inches
tall.  The greyhound and ferret could form a loving working partnership in
which the needs of both are met.  What ferret would not want to move at
even-more-lightning speeds after its coveted prize?  In fact, the ferrets
and greyhounds could easily take over the world, the more so after the first
group of ferrets have undermined the U.S.  Mail network, bringing to a
grinding halt the exchange of vital information necessary to the running of
this country.  We already know that ferrets have control of the internet and
of the skies...
 
Potpie, transcribing for Melissa
 
 ___ Melissa Litwicki __ [log in to unmask] ___
 By the whole newsgroup devoted tennis showing
     it after scarfing fork and laughters
[Posted in FML issue 1816]