Hi FML!  This is Elizabeth, Bob's arch nemesis.  I thought I would make fun
of dad in a public forum again, just so he can have an excuse to chase me
all over the neighborhood.  Its ok because I can outrun him.  Dad tried to
tell me the "n" in nemesis was silent and to make sure I pronouced it
properly, but he couldn't fool me.
 
Today I'm going to embarrass da with two stories.  The first one is about
when he took Chrys, Buddy and Crystal to the vet yesterday and forced me to
come along.  Buddy is losing all his hair on his back and bottom, and when
the doctor guy was looking at him, Buddy got nervous and peed on his shirt.
Not a lot, but some.  All I could do was look at his shirt and the wet spot.
He and dad are good friends, and usually try to out pun each other and the
spot caused a flurry of bad jokes.  What dad and the vet guy didn't notice
was Chrys spotted Crystal, and ran over to do nasty things.  Crystal has
some weird problem and has gone into heat three times since last
Thanksgiving, and dad says they will cut her open and look inside on
Thursday.  Chrys is just a guy if you know what I mean.  He is worse than
the wrestler I went out with last week and dad walked back to the car "to
talk to him about continued productive life." Well, Chrys caught Crystal and
started to do the kind of things you see on the Discovery chanel, and all
dad and the vet guy where doing was making jokes.  They did not seem to
notice what was going on, and Crystal was getting kind of mad about it and
kind of did the type of poop where it seems to fly everywhere.  Both dad and
the vet guy looked over just in time to notice a piece of flying poop that
landed right on dads shirt.  Dad separated the two love-ferrets, and then
they both started in with all sorts of new jokes and puns about the poop.
They had a good time.  I was sick.  It is not a pleasant sight to see two
balding guys bonding over body wastes from sick ferrets.
 
The other story happened at home.  Dad decided to take his computer apart
and put in some more memory and a new "cash" chip, whatever that is.  He
told me not to worry about it because he would be giving the computer to me
for school next summer, and he wanted it souped up.  He is buying a new one
for himself, courtesy of a computer grant or something.  While the computer
was apart, he decided to do one of his famous "field days" which means he
takes everything apart and cleans it all.  He needs to do this in his
library before someone is hurt.  He was keeping his door closed to keep all
the ferrets out when the computer was in tiny pieces and the phone from his
mom and dad rang.  Its one of those typing phones.  Dad ran to answer it.
About 10 minutes later, he asked me to check the door to his library and
make sure he closed it.  I went downstairs, and saw the door was wide open
and at least 16 ferrets were running in and out of the computer parts.  I
saw Bear running away with one of the clicky key things.  I yelled for dad,
and saw him running down the stairs, and snatching Bear on the run.  It took
him most of the day to find all the parts and to put the computer back
together.  Later that night he said he found ferret fur everywhere, even in
the sealed compoments.  The next day, he wanted he over so he could set up
the system for my needs.  He had completely wiped everything off the hard
drive and was reinstalling the software when I came in.  The computer is a
Macintosh, and he had changed the startup screen to say "Windows 2010." He
kept wiping at the screen and when I looked, it looked like hairs was stuck
to it.  Dad said something about the hair from the crazy ferrets was
everywhere, then told me he had to take the computer apart again to get the
hair out from inside the monitor.  I believed him for about 10 seconds, but
he had the "lie-lip" and I knew he was fooling me.  The nut had scanned in
hair plucked from the ferrets, then Photoshopped them into his start-up
screen to trick me.
 
He carried the computer over to my house and set it up for me, so until his
new computer comes in, he has to go to the library to read his mail.  which
is why he hasn't answered alot of mail lately (he told me to say that).  But
his new computer (he said something about 4 chips each running 200
megahurts) is supposed to be here Friday, and he is looking forward to
scanning in pictures of bones for the next few months.  He just got
photoshop 4, and he says his goal in life is to create a single picture that
completely fills a zip cartridge.  I had him put pictures of the ferrets on
my folders, he turned my cursor into a dancing ferret, and i have 25
different background screens of ferrets which automatically change each time
I turn on the computer.  My favorite screen looks like one of those star
maps where lines make out the big dipper, only with dad's, it makes out a
ferret.  My second favorite is a picture of Moose on the California flag.
Cool.
 
Elizabeth (Cleaner of poop)
[Posted in FML issue 1801]