Oh, boy, am I ever going to get in trouble for this one... Here goes!
 
>From:    Sharon Burbine <[log in to unmask]>
>Subj: TICKLE ME silent auction to benefit animal shelter
 
>Bidding starts at $200.  Winning bid will receive Elmo via overnight
>delivery, on Christmas Eve.  (Delivery will be COD--winner will need to pay
>cash in the amount of the bid to receive Elmo at delivery.)
 
Sharon,
 
I can't think of very many causes that deserve support more than the welfare
of helpless animals, but I wanted to say I do not think that auctioning Elmo
dolls for charity is in the spirit of charity.  It only supports the
Elmo-hysteria, and I very strongly object to asking people to pay $200 for
something that sold for $20 or $30 retail originally.  I would be pleased to
buy a raffle ticket for $1 or $2 or even $5, and I think that would be a
more proprietous way to raise money.  I know I would have a nasty taste in
my mouth paying $200 for an Elmo doll, even though I knew the money was
going to a good cause.  No flames please, but I think we all know that HOW
money is raised is as important as WHAT the money is for.  Wishing you the
best for the holidays and all your fuzzies, Sharon...Please do not be
offended.  I understand that shelters run on a shoestring budget and it's
hard to find funds.  If you auction the doll, you will get $200--maybe a
little more, and the winner will get a doll worth much less than he paid.
If you raffle it, you may get as much as $1000, and the winner will get a
doll worth much more than he paid.  It's probably too late to change your
plans anyway...
 
>From:    Kim Tabickman <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: Hours of entertainment!
>WANTON DESTRUCTION- Place fragile items on inaccessible furniture or shelf
>and leave the room.  When you hear the sound of breaking glass return.
>Ferrets receive one point for any liquid spilled, two points for any item
>pushed onto the floor, three points for any item in several pieces on the
>floor.  Items out-weighing the actual ferret double the point value for that
>item.  If item is a house-plant, point value is tripled.
 
Oh, boy, this one is true.  Here's another idea for entertainment:
 
This game requires thee sleeping ferrets.  Start with one.  Settle yourself
in a comfortable chair, arrange a blanket over your lap, look comfortable.
The first ferret should be in the SND phase of sleep (Sleeping Not Dead).
He will be limp to the touch.  His tongue may be hanging out and his eyes
may be open.  He will not be even slightly inclined to move from your lap,
even should he rouse to a lighter sleep.  This is important.  The first
ferret is like a building foundation or a keystone.  Without it, the whole
structure will disintegrate and reassemble elsewhere.
 
Next, add another sleepy ferret.  You'll have to attract the ferret without
rousing the first one.  Try kissy faces and looking cuddly.  Plop the second
ferret on top of the first and hold still.  The second ferret should be
fairly mellow, but not necessarily comatose.  You'll notice that the first
ferret gives off sleepy vibes so that ferret #2 will start yawning and
grooming everything in sight.
 
When ferret #2 falls asleep, you may add a third.  The third ferret only has
to be slightly inclined to sleep as there is quite a bit of intertia in your
lap by now.  Watch him or her look around in confusion when you put him on
top of the pile.  Watch him yawn, think about running away, then start
grooming himself and others.  Voila!  You have a pyramid.  Very cuddly.  I
found it hard to remove this mass from my lap once it was established.  :)))
 
-Catherine
Sebastian (#1)
Mortimer (#2)
and Mithril (#3)
[Posted in FML issue 1787]