TEXT FOR WEDDING BAND:
 
King of Cooooool will play this gig!!!
 
Greeeeeetiiiiiings felloooooooow fuzzbutttttts,
 
Weazer here, king of cooooool, sultan of sssssssswing and the jazziest
ferret in domestica!  Me an' da boys (L.S.  - the "axeman", White Fang -
"Doc", and "Lightnin'Paws" Nikita) would be happy to play this gig for Rosie
an Maxie.  Our combo showcases the talents of "Lightnin' Paws" Nikita on
Keyboards - ma has an old Casio MT500 that still sounds pretty mellow when
we jam in the 'pooter room.  "Doc" White Fang is the jamminest drummer in
the business.  He's a cross between Ed Shaughnessy and Buddy Rich - nuff
said!!!  He uses his tail when he gets really excited an' "dem ferrets start
jumpin' when Doc's tail is thumpin'"!  Doc reads the horn charts instead of
the drum charts so that he KICKS them syncopated rhythms - makes it sound
like firecrackers poppin.  He's totally groovin', man!  L.S.  the "axeman"
has a Les Paul custom that he steals from the neighbor's.  He doesn't just
play bar chords.  He uses alot of them fancy orchestra style chords - kinda
like Earl Klugh - dad says that his bro', Don used to jam with him back in
the 70's.  ME - I lay down the most superlative grooves in the whole ferret
kingdom.  I listen to dad practice all the time.  He plays with a big band
and also in church on Sunday.  Mom sings with him in the choir - they're a
riot!  "Doc" will go over and bite mom on the ankle if she sings too high
while she's warmin' up for church.  I will steal dad's frettless Jazz Bass
for the more mellow riffs and I normally steal the '68 Jazz Bass for most of
the groovin'.  But "Doc" ain't the only tail-thumper in the combo.  I'll
steal dad's P-Bass for those funky numbers and wait 'till you hear MY
slap-style - I call it TAIL GAITIN"!!!!
 
Our combo is really really tight!  We even sleep together all in one big
pile!  We do everything together. We are the FERRET-TONES!!!!
 
Maybe you heard of us???
 
Dad says that this might be my last gig since the nice doctor at Westland
Veterinary Clinic (I go to the doctor's a lot) found an enlarged liver and
an enlarged spleen in my gut (I thought that there was nuthin' but soul in
there)!
 
Stay cool!
Weazer
 
PS We've got the rhythm section covered!  -but if any of you cats (sorry) -
ferts wanna put together a horn section like 'Tower of Power' or the 'Blues
Brothers', etc.  LET'S JAM!!!!
 
PPS  Weazer never made this gig! - He crossed over the Rainbow Bridge on
August 12,1996.  L.S will fill in for him on the Fender P-Bass.
 
*********************************************************************
 
TaDa!!!!
 
It is I Cupcake the adorable , here to tell you about the wonderful gifts I
plan to give Sammi, since she has given me the honor of bein' one of her
brydesmades.
 
1) somethin' old-a potato chip that's been hidden up under the couch for the
last 3 years.(I know Sammi is a real gourmet & likes her food aged:)
 
2) somethin' new-a bottle of ferretone for Sammi to pour on herself for the
wedding night(why should Smudge have all the fun?)
 
3)somethin' borrowed-(well, actually stolen) my mom's car keys
 
4)somethin' blue-a petrified raisin
 
For the weddin' I plan to wear a torture device my mom calls a hat(she makes
me wear it all the time & says I look so cute in it)with pretty purple
flowers on it.I would have purple flowers stickin outta my ears like my pal
Tiger, but my mom says you should never put anything bigger than your elbow
in your ear.Be careful Tiger, those flowers might take root there:)!
 
TaTa!!!
 
Cupcake the adorable
[Posted in FML issue 1686]