Just a few more questions to share with y'all:
 
Q: Why do my ferrets have webs between their toes?
A: I think it is to better carry around all the stuff they steal. Really.
 
Actually, webbed toes is a common trait in weasels, mink and polecats.  They
are just showing part of their heritage for water (lakes and rivers).
Ferrets are descended from polecats, and polecats fill a semiaquatic niche
for the most part.  Webbed toes help them swim.
 
Q: You seem to make a big deal out of it, so what is the difference
between "Domestic" and "Domesticated?"
A: The marrage certificate.
 
Ok, "Domestic" generally refers to the animals living in a specific region
(The white-tailed deer is domestic to the United States), while
"Domesticated" refers to animals that have been adapted in some way by
humans, who also control their breeding to a large extent (Dogs have been
domesticated).  I refer to our poopmeisters as "Domesticated Ferrets"
because it is more accurate, and because the use of domesticated tends to
create a specific mental image of a non-wild animal.  Now, many people use
"domestic" interchangably with "domesticated," and technically they are not
wrong; I just think domesticated is better, especially considering things in
Ca-Ca land.
 
Q: Why do my ferrets like to dig so much?
A: Man, dey's so cool, dey dig everthang! Jus' plant som specks on dem, an
watch dem babies chill!
 
Actually, 50 millions years of evolution is at fault, so blame it on Darwin.
All weasels, mink and polecats dig, almost all of them live in burrows, and
most of them find their food in burrows.  Digging is as natural in a ferret
as climbing trees is for a cat, or running in packs is for a dog.  Or being
stupid for the Ca-Ca Fish and Gestapo.  The urge to dig is specific to each
ferret--some seem to like to dig more than others--and also seems correlated
to the length of their claws.  They seem to dig more when their claws are
longer, but I have a couple that dig all the time.  I gave in to their
animalistic nature and gave them someplace to dig.  If you can't take the
genes out of the ferret, then keep the ferret out of your jeans.  Or
something like that.
 
Q: I can't tell if you advocate a "natural" approach versus the modern
approch to feeding and treating ferrets. Which are you?
A: I would tell you, but then I would have to kill you. National security,
you know. Nothing personal.
 
Actually, I prefer the method that works.
 
Q: Are you sure the Egyptians did not have pet ferrets?
A: Actually, it was a petroglyphic typo. They had pet parrots. (Or was
that carrots?)
 
It is simply a rumor got out of hand.  The Egyptians loved to make mummies
out of everything; literally every domesticated animal they had, plus lots
of wild animals.  They mummified hyaenas, fish, turtles, crocs, lions, even
birds.  Not one ferret.  No word for ferret.  Only a single doubtful
hieroglyphic (probably a mongoose).  No bone remains anywhere.  And remember
the archaeology of Egypt is very well know, and quite extensive; maybe the
best known in the world.  Egyptologists have catalogued tens of thousands of
animal mummies, but not one ferret.  I think if they kept ferrets like cats,
there would be some trace.
 
I would love to say ferrets were domesticated by the Egyptians.  It would
help our cause, make us look good, add some mythological air to the subject,
but I can't make up tales to suit modern myths.  Quite honestly, I could be
wrong, and at the first sign of tangible evidence, I will admit it in front
of all and beg forgiveness.  And you can all boo me (but you do that so well
NOW...)
 
Q: Is BIG a real person?
A: Real?  Yes.  Person?  The jury is still out.  I know he likes Apple
products; sort of a computer whiz.  Heard from an outside source that he
loves ferrets and staying up late at night.  Rumor has it he once helped a
national hamburger chain fix their computer problems by dumping their PCs
and moving to Apple.  Cured all their problems.  They were so grateful that
they named a burger after his efforts.  You know, the BIG MAC...
 
Mo' Bob and the 19 Ferretographers
 
[Moderator's note: Actually, at work I have one of those IBM thingies on my
desk.  Well, more than one actually.  But you are right, I like apple pie,
apple cake, apple sauce.... BIG]
[Posted in FML issue 1676]