Fellow fuzzies, hello and dooks to all!  Special Agent Raiden here.
 
I was minding my own business, happily dookin my way to my hide-e-hole to
stash some of the Enemy Defense Cats' food, when I looked up and saw my
human mom at the pooter getting her daily mail.  I noticed as she scanned
down the FML that "I" was thanked for the advice "I" gave the human "Bryan"
about us ferrets........hmmmm.
 
That is something I never did, ofcourse I know that mom was on the pooter
really late one night and she decided to get her mail after her chat with
all the other humans with pooters (I'm assuming), and she called this
"Bryan" person and talked about me for a while, of which I don't mind.....
 
                                   ANYWAY
 
When mom went to bed, I snuck out and went onto the pooter to find out what
was going on.  I want to say "DOOK DOOK!!" a big hello to Tenaka and
Cayanne, as they sound like awesome ferrets with heads on their shoulders
and quick thinkers.
 
As a fellow ferret and one of great experience in this human vs.  fuzzie
thing, I would like to give a few of my 'Special Secrets' to you too
(although against Agent regulations) and any other fuzzie looking for help.
Humans seem to have a bit of a, let's say "childlike" problem with
understanding that ferrets whether they are young, old, male, or female RUN
THE HOUSEHOLD :)
 
As ferrets we have 4 basic GETS:
 
1)  GET fed
2)  GET ferretone
3)  GET loved
4)  GET away with EVERYTHING!!!!!
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
So, Tenaka and Cayanne, I want to say, in regards to training the human, the
MERE fact that there are 2 of you makes the secret ferret manuvering
possible and easier for you.  I am by myself and live with a furry tell-all
snitch of whom I won't mention, that makes these manuvers considerably
harder.  Because of this, my skills are sharpened on a consistent basis!  Be
happy that you will have each other for lookouts, etc.  I have 3 suggestions
for you:
 
1.  When your human Bryan sprays the stinky stuff, hide the bottle in your
cage mabe under your blanket or hammock, in or under the water or food bowl
so that the next time he opens the cage and goes to grab it, one of you
quickly distracts him by either chewing on his toes, climbing up his leg, or
once picked up burrowing into his shirt for a few minutes, while the other
dumps the bottle in the garbage!
 
2.  Whenever you are doing something you love like digging in a flower pot,
scratching the carpet, tipping waterglasses over, you know THE BEST STUFF.
You have to be ever alert to the A.W.C.'s of humans (Angry War Calls).  If
ever you hear your name called WAY past a few decibals than usual, this
usually means your in BIG trouble so - RUN LIKE HECK!!!!!!  (this is also a
good time for you to pick a favourite HIDE-E-HOLE close by for such
occasions!)
 
3.  In order to make sure your human doesn't get any funny ideas about
sending you away, steal his keys, socks, shoes, underwear, pants, etc......
He'll never get out the door!  (this is another advantage to a ferret, thank
goodness we don't have to be dressed to leave the house!!) Now if you ever
want to know how to plan an escape from your cage when your human isn't
around, I'll leave that to Rosie and Maxie.  They are escape ARTISTS.  They
are just as good or BETTER than I.
 
In time you guys will be so crafted at this, that all the discipline you
will get is a pat on the head, a rub on the tummy, and a smile from the
human (DUMB or what eh??!!).
 
Good Luck!!
 
Sincerely,
Special Agent Raiden  :)
[Posted in FML issue 1666]