I wasn't going to post today; I feel like a burden to all of you and to
BIG's space and time, but you are a very important catharsis for me right
now.  (Bill you may remove this post if you don't have space; just being
able to write it down and send it helps me, and the replies have been
wonderful helps.) Now that I can do my own e-mail instead of holding things
on disks for Steve I'm learning how much it helps to be able to release
grief like this, and I know it makes me less of a burden to Steve.  He has
animal loving friends at work who help him cope.  We still sog each other up
enough over this.
 
Ruffle had a terible early day yeasterday (for us -- not for her since she
had no pain), blew up to a bigger ascites level than ever before, was more
semi-conscious than asleep for a while, and even got blueish on her rear
feet.  Then about five p.m.  she rallied and is still with us.  She seems to
be annoyed that she is now so blimp-like that she can't curl up any longer,
but other than that is showing absolutely no indications of discomfort.  Her
bad days have been every other day so far.  No one thought she'd make it
through Sunday, Tuesday, or Thursday.  I can't find anything we are doing on
her good days that might predispose this, but she keeps herself awake more
on her good days so that may be it.  She's now too bloated to spend her
nights next to our bed, but shifts work.  Her kisses smell and taste
different now.  Since her lungs are okay we suspect it's becasue of her
liver and because thing really aren't being digested much is at all.  All
she'll take now is Sustical and some water, though yesterday she licked some
just rained on potting soil and was ahppy to do something else she'd been
kept from (worry over fertilizers hurting them) in the past.  She has other
options.  They just don't appeal at this stage.
 
Meltdown has scolded me about her, and both Meeteetse and 'Chopper have
cried outside her cage for two days now.  We have to keep Meltdown from
getting too excited since that is so bad for her heart arrhythmia.  A few
days ago Bruce Williams and I spoke and he's as shocked as anyone that
Meltdown is not only still alive, but thriving.  The enacard and dig have
worked wonders.  It's hard to give the others enough attention, too, but
they are so extra kind and well behaved these days, that they don't make it
any burden at all, so it's not their fault.  Ruffle just needs so much now.
Spot and Warp can't figure out what is going on.  Today I still ahve to
cuddle Spottie and 'Chopper.  The Fly (Meeteetse, because of how Teetse
sounds) had a private romp time without the others and now Warp is having
one.  She comes in every once in a while for belly kisses and hugs.  The
growing stack of our own laundry (ferret needs are more important) is
fascinating to her.
 
Thanks for being there.  Through all the years we've always known that fml
people are just so special.  Sure, there are disagreements at times, and now
and then some bigs ones, or whatever, but in the end we all know that what
is important is the ferrets.  You mean a lot to us.
 
        Sukie
[Posted in FML issue 1609]