War report:
FDI units in the Guelph combat zone aquired a four-foot cat tree last year.
This new base camp has brought a tentative peace to this war-torn zone.
 
The Feline Defense Initiative has valiantly held the cat tree since the
first appearance of rebel FLO forces in the area.  Even Sid (Sissycat, who
failed basic offensive training) has been seen removing attacking FLO rebels
from the base of the tree.
 
FDI felines will also make dive-bomb attacks from the top level of the tree
at approaching rebels.  As part of a disinformation campaign, FDI units lead
FLO rebels on a wild chase at top speeds though the war zone.  FDI units
then return to home base, leaving the FLO in their dust, writhing with rage
at the base of the tree.
 
FDI units can be seen gathering intellegence from the top of their base
camp, ears forward, eyes wide.  Troops agree that observation of the
hopelessly misdirected FLO rebels is more entertaining than a visit from
Bob Hope.
 
I interviewed FDI commander "Mad Dog", who stated that the FDI would like
the lower shelf, positioned at co-ordinates 1 foot above the ground, removed
for extra security.  This enhancement is not imperative, however.
 
FLO rebel leader "Dodger" refused to comment on the base camp, a thorn in
the side of the rebel cause.  He did, however, make this statement:
 
"It is our understanding that some troops in the Neutral Human Zone outside
of our area have been recieving large shipments of avocados.  We plead with
rebel Ferret sympathizers to support our cause, and send reinforcement
troops and supplies into our area.  Avocados are fundamental to the success
of our mission."
 
"FLO troops have successfully commandeered a Proctor-Silex Sandwich Maker.
The machinery was stolen from the Neutral Humans Tuesday, and has been
secured.  The troops are on the lookout for bread."
 
"FLO rebels have also discovered a new, space-age material.  This substance,
known as "S.Q.U.I.D.", serves both as a rubbery chew toy and nutritional
supplement.  Our forces have been collecting reserves of this substance for
future use."
 
"Also on Tuesday, a shipment of Chinese-style nutritional supplements
arrived in the area.  An FLO rebel was able to steal a brittle, tasty,
cresent shaped object.  Closer examination showed that it contained
sensitive information on a strip of paper...obviously a message from
Oriental FLO sympathisers.  The object was half-eaten and destroyed; the
message was read and then eaten to prevent sensitive information from
falling into the hands of the enemy FDI."
 
"The FLO has also acquired an Armoured Personell Carrier (APC).  This
object, similar in design to a hooded kitty bed, may be manoevered by
placing a rebel unit underneath the padded internal shield.  Our units need
only bounce normally to advance the APC through the war zone.  The APC is
capable of moving at moderately fast speeds; however, directional control is
lacking."
 
"We are confident that our new equipment will turn the tide of battle in
the FLO rebel's favour.  We anxiously await communiquees from other arms
of the FLO, for news of new technologies that will aid us in our struggle."
 
Signing off for the FDI and FLO representatives, Lynn.
[Posted in FML issue 1457]
[Posted in FML issue 1457]