I apologize for this Bill, but I really feel the need to talk about my
first baby.
 
My first ferret was a family pet that we got in the early eighties when I
hadn't even heard of ferrets before.  She was a sable female named Melissa
and she was great!  I admit we didn't exactly take proper safety precautions
with her.  She went to work with my parents every day and had free run of
their tractor store.  She slipped into the garage frequently, but never
decided to run out the back door.  She was having too much fun inside!
 
Just about every time we rolled out a lawnmower on the showroom floor we
would uncover a ferret pile.  Most of the time with a tire track embedding
it into the astroturf.  Cutomers were commonly seen shaking their foot
trying to detach a ferret from their shoe if their toes slipped under the
edge of her current lawnmower shelter.  You NEVER took a tractor out of the
showroom if there was a warm lump hanging down in one of the grass catcher
bags.  She would come racing across the counter clucking as you rang up an
unsuspecting customer's purchase.
 
There was a back parts room which was small, dark, and incredibly cluttered
with shelves of thousands upon thousands of parts.  I believe that nothing
on Earth will ever come closer to ferret heaven.  She of course could scale
the shelves, and she went through all of the little parts sealed up in tiny
ziplock pouches and took all of her favorites.
 
Every week we would get a box or two of parts from UPS.  She was always
there waiting as you opened the boxes, and she would select a few and steal
them, especially those small hard rubber ones.  she was even seen dragging
off 3 ft.  long belts for motors!  It may seem ridiculous, but we actually
spent a good deal of time explaining that various tractors weren't ready
because the ferret stole their special order part.  Some people can just
never understand that sort of thing!
 
Sometimes she bit off more than she could chew.  When we got our new puppy
with huge folds of extra skin, he whimpered so she ran up and decided she
was going to stash him for later.  She grabbed him by the nape of the neck
and started dragging.  His skin kept stretching and stretching, but the dog
never budged.  His eyes were getting stretched out, but he was too young to
really move.  Poor thing!  He was the ultimate unsolveable ferret problem,
and she tried many times until we stopped the torture.  They eventually had
a great friendship once he was big enough to defend himself.
 
Melissa was a real jokester, and she did everything she could to surprise
you.  She would jump out from behind corners, and if you yelled, she would
chuckle while she chased you from room to room.  But her favorite was bed
snorkeling.  You would hear her thunder down the hall, and as you came into
view, all snug in bed, she would screech to a halt.  She would flatten to
the floor and slide over to the bed.  Then it was time to hand-over-hand it
up the quilt like a true commando.  She would slip under the quilt, still
flat, and snorkel until she bumped you.  Now you knew she was there, and she
knew you knew she was there, but everyone pretended not to notice.  She
would then slide around the contours of your body slowly, figuring out where
she was.  When she got to your feet she would chomp down on your toes, make
you scream, and then come flying out from under to bounce around on the bed
laughing.  She would actually be smiling (we always thought so anyway).
This would happen over and over again until you put her in the cage.
 
She lived to be around 7 yrs.  old before she died of a suspected stomach
cancer.  (We had her put to sleep.) I will always remember every little
noise she made and trick she played.  After about a ten year lapse in ferret
ownership, I now have another little female with just as much personality.
God I LOVE ferrets!!!!
 
Fingers and her rambling human, Cinda
[Posted in FML issue 1543]