The Search for the World's Biggest Raisin
 
        Not so long ago, a little ferret named Esperanza got a raisin
treat from her mom that was much bigger than usual.
        "Look at this raisin," said Mom. "Just one sliver is a big as a
whole raisin would normally be, and it's only one-third of it! I wonder
what Dr. Williams would say. He would probably say you ought to share it
with the other ferrets so you don't get too much all at once."
        Espie said, "No, Mom, I don't want to share it. Give me those
raisin pieces." And she stood up beautifully on her hind legs to get two
pieces in succession. Then for the third one, she sniffed it out and
delicately grabbed it from Mom's hand.
        Finally, Espie said, "I want to go on a search for the world's
biggest raisin, Mom."
        "Such a search might take you far from home," said Mom. "Maybe even
to California. They grow a lot of raisins there."
        "Please help me to get ready for this journey, Mom."
        "Promise me you'll stay away from strange animals, especially
coyotes and rattlesnakes," said Mom. "And don't get caught crossing the
California border. Ferrets are illegal there."
        So Mom helped Espie prepare a little ferret knapsack with some
Totally Ferret food and some reusable bottles of water and a little pump
for purifying the water to protect her from giardia. And Espie set off on
her journey.
        It took a long time to get to California from New Mexico. On her
way, Espie saw the Colorado River, the Grand Canyon, volcanic ash near
Flagstaff, and lots of cactuses and sand. She left some ferret doo on the
front steps of the administrative building in Clark County, Nevada, to
show her disdain for their practice of charging people $100 to own a
ferret. Then she crossed Death Valley and the beautiful Sierra Nevada
Mountains.
        When she got to the San Joaquin Valley, she asked a little boy she
met in an orange grove where she could find the world's biggest raisin.
        "Well, they grow a lot of raisins near Fresno," he said.
        So she asked him for directions, and went on her way.
        Before long, she reached a farmer's house. This farmer had a lot
of grapes growing in his fields. She asked if he had the world's biggest
raisin. He said, "Well, sure I do. I'll show it to you."
        And when she looked at this raisin, she saw that it was as big as
a breadbox. "That's nothing," the farmer said. "You should have seen the
grape it came from."
        Espie stood in awe. As she wondered how much she would have to pay
this farmer to buy this raisin, he secretly called the Fish & Game
Department of California to turn her in. Her guardian angel, C-pi, warned
her they were coming to capture her. So she ran away to the home of
Cinderella, Norm, and Ralph, her pen pals in the Golden State.
        Cinderella, Norm, and Ralph were outraged to hear of this
betrayal. They offered to help Espie steal the raisin from the farmer.
        The next morning, they returned to Fresno and climbed on the back
of a hay truck that was driving in the direction of the raisin farmer's
fields. They jumped off the truck and hid among the grapevines to make
their plans.
        To divert the farmer's attention from his huge raisin, which he
planned to enter in the state fair, Norm tipped the farmer's milk cow
where she was grazing out by his barn. While the farmer was occupied in
trying to upright his cow, the other ferrets grabbed his pickup truck and
loaded the raisin in the back. Meanwhile, Norm came running up and got in
the truck and they drove away.
        About five miles down the road, they switched the truck's license
plates with those of an abandoned car just in case the farmer called the
police. They drove for many, many miles and then they unloaded the raisin
outside Cinderella's house. Then they drove the truck far away into the
countryside and abandoned it on a dirt road.
        When they finally got back to where they had unloaded the raisin,
they asked Norm's mom to post an invitation on the Ferret Mailing List for
a big raisin feast. They packed the raisin and shipped it via Federal
Express to Espie's house.
        The Thanksgiving feast Espie held that year was legendary.  Many,
many FML ferrets came to visit Espie in New Mexico, where they shared the
raisin for dessert.
[Posted in FML issue 1304]