For some months now, the count has been against Curtis in the
problem-solving arena.  Dodge is the thinking "man"; Curtis is some sort of
radioactive, rash, determined monster.  (Specifically, we suspect "mentally
deficient squirrel with ADD" ).  I was stunned to see Curtis display some
cognitive abilities this morning.  Before I describe Curtis' feat, let me
illustrate the current situation (so you too will be amazed), with:
 
"An Interview With Dodge and Curtis"
 
I like to imagine I'm a:
Dodger:  Living beanbag.
Curtis:  Rubber superball in a concrete tunnel.
 
Dryer tube slide technique:
Dodger:  Ooze through like extruding pasta.
Curtis:  Dive-bomb in from a clear foot or two above.
 
Siddartha the Balinese:
Dodger:  Fuzzy thing with snorkelable fur.
Curtis:  Apparatus for Four-Pin Bowling:  pick up speed on livingroom carpet;
slide down hardwood hall at mach 2;  connect with unsuspecting cat.  Due to
the laws of gravity, a strike and a spare are scored the same.
 
Mad Dog the Siamese:
Dodger:  Object that warms my favourite spots.
Curtis:  World Ferret-Wrestling Federation champion.  Famed for deadly flop-
headlock-kickboxing technique.  Martial Arts expert.  Eager opponent.
 
Feet:
Dodger:  Good to sleep on.
Curtis:  Immensely chewable.  Recommend using little stubby arms to pry
apart toes; clean out areas between toes, and firmly grip inter-toe region
with pointy little teeth.
 
Visitors:
Dodger:  Very smellable.  They don't call me "Crotch Boy" for nothing.
Curtis:  Bring valuable prizes known as insoles hidden in their shoes.  Had
a collection going from Dad's office mates, but Dad sent them back in the
inter-office mail this week.  He got lots of phone calls.
 
Sleeping Humans:
Dodger:  Best spot to sleep is under their chin.
Curtis:  Best spots to bite are: backs of knees, on soft and tender
buttocks.  A warning: biting sexually dimorphic areas of often humans brings
dire consequences.
 
Incarceration for Ferret Crimes:
Dodger:  I don't understand.  What do you mean?
Curtis:  I have customized my cell.
 
Problem solving: Dodger:  I can open the hall closet, the kitchen cupboards,
and that jug of peanut oil I dumped on the kitchen floor (tasty, too bad
Mom wiped out).  I can disassemble the cat track or remove the video and
sound cards from the computers.  I know that Humans put on shoes to go out,
and that's my escape cue.  I can turn the stereo on;  I can reset the alarm
clock;  I wake up at 5:00 every day to greet Dad home.  I know that meowing
cats means treats are arriving;  I can feed myself ferret food when
neccessary;  *and* I can drink out of the toilet.
Curtis:  I it can't be dug through, it can't be done.
 
Get the picture?  Anyhow...
 
The boys have claimed a cat toy that the kitties go for Xmas.  It is a
particularly ugly, orange, green, and baby blue "Cat Track" (ping pong ball
in a 2-piece circular trough;  scratching pad in the middle, springy thing
with pompom on the top.)
 
Dodge quickly perfected the art of cat-track disassembly.  While Curtis was
very enamoured of the ping-pong ball prize in the cat track, he never
figured out how to get it out of there...until this morning.  In fact, he
did one better.
 
Curtis when to play with the cat track, and found it assembled, sans ball.
Of course, he still had a fun time chasing an imaginary ball, and finally,
inserting his head in the track and warping around the track full speed.
Well, after a few circuits during which his head made no ping-pong ball
contact, he must've figured he was missing out on something.
 
Curtis retrieved a ping-pong ball from the vast collection lodged under our
furniture, and *INSERTED* it, with a bit of squishing, *back* into the track.
He then unleashed his wrath upon the cat-track.
 
After about 15 minutes, he disassembled the whole job, removed the ping-pong
ball, and played with it until biteable cats appeared.
 
Nic and I sat on the couch, our jaws in our laps.  Curtis may have always
been a "Ferret With A Mission", but we had always assumed he had lost his
dossier and so turned to random violence.  I'm stunned.
 
Lynn, and...
Nic (Human):  "It had to be accidental".
Dodge:        "I shouldn't have to point this out, but *I'm* smarter."
Curtis:       "I think, therefore watch out for your chocolate bars."
Mad (Cat):    "Your mind is no match for our weapons."
Sid (Cat):    "So why doesn't MENSAferret run when I punch him?"
[Posted in FML issue 1526]
[Posted in FML issue 1526]