I loved the Top 10 Ways That Ferrets are Dangerous to Cows. Here are some
slightly less well known ways:
 
(11)    Bombs Away Hypothesis
 
The Ferrets, with tails in the air, back up in front of the hapless bovine and
deposit their little "surprises." Cow steps on the deposits (*glitch*), slips,
falls over, and is eaten.
 
(12)    Chaos Theory
 
Similar to the "Hop Until Dizzy Theory." The wild Ferret Band surrounds the cow
and then each ferret proceeds to run at break-neck speeds in a different
direction than any other ferret running. The cow gets dizzy, falls down, and is
eaten. (This theory lead to the saying, "It's as easy as herding ferrets.")
 
(13)    Trench warefare Hypothesis
 
The evil empire of wild Ferrets digs holes in the cow's path. Cow trips, falls,
and is eaten.
 
(14)    The Dead Man's Curve Theory
 
The thrill-seeking wild Ferret Band initiates new members by having the
initiates do the Ferret Victory Dance around the cow's feet. The cow tries not
to step on the ferrets which makes them trip, fall, and get eaten.
 
(15)    The Kibble Express Hypothesis
 
The despicable wild Ferrets build mounds of kibble in the cow's path. Cow
trips, falls, and is eaten.
 
(16)    The "Jagular" Hypotheis
 
The Ferret Pack hides in tall trees waiting for unsuspecting bovines. When the
cow looks up, the ferrets drop on it. The cow thus weighted, falls down, and is
eaten. (Contact Mr. W. Pooh for more on jagulars.)
 
(17)    Vorpal Ferret Theory
 
The vicious wild fuzz-demons hide in tall grass waiting for a cow to pass by.
Ferrets leap onto to the cow, the cow is toppled to the ground and is eaten.
 
(18)    The Ferro-Canine Consortium Hypothesis
 
The wild Ferret Clan has a carefully selected pack of dogs to do their bidding.
These dogs accept the ferrets as Masters of the Earth. These dogs chase, catch
and bring down the cow. Ferrets eat the cow. Dogs get the leftovers. (Who's the
boss, your dog or your ferret?? :)
 
(19)    Sleeping Sickness Hypothesis
 
The Ferret Band sends decoy ferret to yawn, stretch, and rub his face in front
of the cow. Cow gets tired, lays down, and cow is eaten.
 
(20)    Boom! Boom-boom-boom! BOOM! Theory
 
The wild Fuzzies steal parts and build land mines. They place these in the
cow's path. Cow steps on land mine, blows up, and cow bits are eaten. (Refer to
news story/urban legend about dynamite used in whale carcass cleanup.)
 
 
-kim and mike (the hapless humans)
Squirt, who regularly tries #14 The Dead Man's Curve Theory on his humans
Pippi, who  regularly tries #8 Sock Hypothesis II, #14, and #15 The Kibble
        Express Hypothesis on her humans
 
  Kimberly Burkard          |              _     Everything I needed to know in
  Xerox, Rochester, NY      |       _____C .._.  life I learned from my ferret:
  [log in to unmask]   |  ____/     \___/   Be flexible and go with life's
  [log in to unmask]  | <____/\_---\_\     twists and turns.
[Posted in FML issue 1051]