To alL ferRetS and ferreT loVers out theRe:
It's afTer midNighT and my MasTers have finaLly goNe to bed. It isn't
ofTen that a FerreT can geT onto the coMputeR, so I'll seiZe the raRe
opportunitY.
My name is FarRah and I'm an albinO ferRet. I belong to the To the
Rothes, who livE in SpruCe GroVe, AlbeRta, Canada. Some of you haVe heard
of me becauSe my master Wrote to the FmL recently asking aBout taking me
outSide without my leaSh. Some of yu warNed him not to Do that, beCause
of the danGers. I must say thaT the idea of ruNning free and bLowing this
linaTone stanD was exciTing, but then I read about tHe dangers of runninG
in Front of a car and becoming roAd kill was scarY. I Really wanted to
cHeck out unDer the deck, but somEone said thinGs like racoons and sucH
can be under there. No thanks!
My masTers are nice to mE (especially that CuTe little girl, chelsea), but
tHey just doN't understand me. TheY wonDer why I sleep so Much. Well, a
feRret's got a lot of eXploring to do, and a girL needs her strength.
They don't liKe it when I do my thing in the corneR, but that's What
ferrets do. Chelsea says sHe's gonna train me, and I'm Not lookin'
forward to tHat. I have a shoRt attention sPan. (Pardon all the miSplaced
capitals and the Typos, but my paw gets sTuck on the shiFt lock and I'm
only a 35-worD-per-minuTe typist.)
Oh, theR's another thinG. I can Hear the old man and oLd lady doin'g
there thing uPstairs in the bedroom. They haVe me fixed and thenN have
the nerve to fLaunt it like that. Hey, even a feRret gets urges.
They got thiS leash that tHey think is so cUte. I hate tHat thing. I've
been naKed all my life and now they waNt me to wear that uncoMfortable
thiNg. I got it off onCe by ruBbing againSt everythinG I could find and
fiNally got it ofF. I should haVe hidden it beTter because they fouNd it
and maDe me wear it again. Next tiMe they'll never find it.
Chelsea loves to cuDdle me, adn I muSt admit that I enjoY the attention
and the the way sHe caresse...rubS, as ferrets don't speLl so good. She's
neVer had a pet before aNd she really doEs love me.
TheRs's this hugE dog next door named Nikki. I met her a feW days ago.
She's very fRiendly and should be no pRoblem, if she knoWs what's good
for Her.
My maSter wrote to the fML recently asking hoW he can get me to Eat
different thinGs than just the dRy cat food that I enjoY. Hey, I liKe
that stuFf. I don't want nothing elSe. Did I read that he's gonna put
some linatoNe onto my food. Does he tHink I won't be able to smell it?
Does he thiNk I'm some duMb animal. Hey, I can type! They've tried to
fEed me pieces of fruit and other yukky stuFf. I want some of that beer
that I read about on YesterDay's ML.
I cried wheN i read about the pooR ferret who died from the Heat in that
car. PooR thing.
My absoolute favoritist thHing to do in the wHole world is to tuNnel
through the dirty laundRy and go to sLeep. I cried when I hearD about my
brotHer in feRreting who was thrown Into the wasHing machine adn had to do
the feRret paddle until he waS rescued. Be more caReful, ferreT owners. I
espeCially like to dig into the dirty underwear and cuRl up in Jordan's
(he's 12 years oLd and I love to biTe his socks; he giGles) smeLly
underweaR. He'd be embarrassed if He read this.
I support ferret uNionization, whatever that Means. It sounds good fer us
ferRets, though.
Well, gott ago now. I think I heaR someone coming (or maybe it's those
two again; er, nevr mind, theRe may be young Ferrets reading this). I'll
wRite again when I caN, but probably not too soon. It's not ofTen they
forget tolock me in my room aT night adn I can roaM free. Think I'll go
crawL into chelseA's bed and nip at her toEs. It drives her crazy.
Til next tiMe. Happy ferReting.
by the way, I saw M*A*S*H the other day. Frank Burns doesn'T look
anytHing like me. I'm much toO cute, as Chelsea tells me every day. I
love that giRl.
Bye for now,
FaRRah (don't you just loVe my name; Farrah the ferRet -- get it?)
[Posted in FML issue 1145]
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